XB360 - Halo: Reach

Haiku Review:

Somewhat okay tale
of Spartans and Covenant.

Get pwned by a teen! 

Additional Comments:

First I must admit something to you: this is the first Halo game I've really played. I have tinkered with the series occasionally at a friend's house, but I never really cared for the game. I tried to like it. But I noticed one glaring truth about Halo at large: many people who love this game--yes, those who are great at this game--are certifiable douchebags. It's a proven fact. And because I try my darnedest to try to not be a douchebag, Halo and I just never became friends. Also, while we're being completely frank, let's just admit that this is just another space marine story (*groans*). I will say that they did add an interesting twist with the ringworld or "halo" in the first game, but again, this has been done before. So if you like reading at all--which I admit that probably most of Halo's fanbase probably never reads anything beyond the drunken texts that their friends send them, replete with the words "Brah" and "duuuuude"--and especially if you are into sci-fi at all, then you've read the complete story in Starship Troopers by the revered Robert Heinlein and Ringworld (another classic) by Larry Niven. There it is. Halo. Don't even bother with the official Halo books or even trying to like the story, because if you've read any good sci-fi lit, then you're already a snob--I must admit that I'm that snob.

However. I also have to admit that though I went into this game with huge reservations and preconceived notions, this game really surprised me. I even...like...love this game! The story is still not good, and I still don't even know what happened, thought the ending was pretty cool I guess, but the presentation and controls are solid. The newer additions of the jetpack and powers are awesome. I first thought that the whole credit/experience system was going to be stupid, but I've already spent a lot of time refining the look of my Spartan, buying that one shoulder pad or the cool blue visor color. It seems like Bungie really wanted to up the ante and make Halo compete better with newer mega-hits, like Modern Warfare. They added a ton of awards that you can earn with give you more credits along with the obvious cool points. The online multiplayer is a friggin' blast. That was what I thought I would hate the most, but I actually love it the most. Every day there are new challenges that you can try to conquer that will give you additional credits and experience, and then there's also a harder weekly challenge that awards a hefty amount of creds. There are a few throwaway multiplayer types (like Infection and Invasion, where you either are a zombie trying to infect the rest, or you're trying to defend yourself against the infected. You can make a "Psyche Profile" which is just a way of saying what type of player you are. It seems like you are placed in matches where you actually have a chance, because I haven't rage quit yet. Although I will say that though you can tell the Psyche Profile that you hate trash talk and want to play silently, there is still that ONE fourteen year old that has a mic and constantly annoys the living bejeezus out of everyone.

Now, I'm admittedly an achievement whore, so I try to get all the achievements/trophies that I can in a game. Most of these are very attainable. I even beat this on Legendary difficulty to maximize my achievement whoring (350 points in that!!). And let me tell you, I'm freaking P-R-O-U-D of myself for actually being able to do it. Because Legendary made this the hardest game I've ever played. Thankfully the checkpoint system is really good in this game and even though you will die a lot, you make enough progress through the game where it's never frustrating. Actually, you almost revere every checkpoint to the point where you feel like it's a mini-birthday.


Rating:   Solid 4.5 douchebags out of 5


Nano-rant Review:

Get ready to die.