GG - Sonic Labyrinth

Haiku-Review:

through a maze of doors
in a pseudo-3D world
sans rings or control

Additional Comments:

What appears to be the primitive predecessor to Sonic 3D Blast, it's really anything but. As a fan of the Sonic franchise, it's always a disappointment to run across a game that nearly strips away everything I know and love. Of course, one could state similar criticisms over the Mario franchise, but for me, a lot of the non-platforming games just somehow work. But with Sonic, if he's not running and jumping, it just feels like a lackluster title that probably should have been swept under the rug during production. Of course there are exceptions, like Sonic Spinball, but again, there's something about it that works - perhaps the fact that it contains all the elements of a pure Sonic platformer cross-pollinated perfectly with a pinball game. But then again, the pinball idea has always been cleverly inserted into nearly every Sonic title, so it's only natural that such a premise would work.

And so, that brings me to Sonic Labyrinth. What we have here seems to be some sort of Sonic meets Marble Madness type of scenario. Basically, you've got Sonic rolling around a pseudo-3D environment trying to avoid baddies and getting knocked around by a series of bumpers or other such obstacles. Unfortunately, all the platforming elements found in a true Sonic game, which they eventually tried to incorporate into Sonic 3D Blast, are completely absent. The sheer fact that you can't jump should be enough to make one forgo the title in favor of something else, such as Sonic Spinball or Marble Madness itself, depending on what aesthetic of the game you're wanting to stick with. But once you get going, you find that there's really no need for jumping, so it can be easily overlooked. Sonic's lethargic gait however is something I cannot overlook, even if it is part of the plot. Yea, the plot revolves around Dr. Robotnik swapping Sonic's shoes of super speed with those featuring more snail-like qualities, but seriously, a Sonic game without speed is both pointless and downright stupid. The saving grace, I suppose, is that Sonic still has his spin dash. But with the awkward control and stiff, stop-on-a-dime physics, it too is aggravating.

Despite its lack of platforming, baddie stomping and ring collecting, it's not that horrible of a game. However, Sonic's physics and the general lack of decent control really drags the game down. As a handheld game, I can see it working - it's short, to the point and carries enough of its own quirky little charm to make it an enjoyable game while stuck in the backseat of a 8-hour-plus car ride. But beyond that, I see little to no worth, and it's always sad to say that about any Sonic game. But there it is.

A couple other things I thought I'd mention is the strange fluctuation regarding difficulty and the seemingly aimless soundtrack. Although the game never dared to tread truly turbulent waters, the difficulty was highly inconsistent. The zones would see-saw their way through a couple of tough mazes and then suddenly throw in a straightforward stage nearly devoid of enemies. As a maze game, yea, the difficulty was completely reliant on finding your way, but there were some stages, especially in the Labyrinth of the Factory where it just felt like they weren't even trying, albeit they tacked on a nice bullshit scenario in zone 3-3. As far as music, I guess I'll just come out and say it - it sucks. At least it's not obnoxious, but man, there is nothing in there worth making mention of, but I suppose I'll post something anyways. Hmm, perhaps the Bonus Stage theme...

Nano-Rant:

Oh my god, bosses that do not contain a "getting hit" sound effect are so fucking annoying!! I also hate that you just spin straight through them instead of being knocked back upon contact. What the hell kind of robotic spirits are these!?!?

Rating: 1.5 disappearing Star Platforms out of 5

SNES - Drakkhen

Haiku-Review:

to what end I seek -
Hordkhen, Nakkhtkha, Hazhulkhen
and with Tears, I win?

Additional Comments:
(Spoilers: it's a lengthy read)

Drakkhen is by far the strangest game I've ever come across. I first encountered it a couple of years ago. A friend of mine attempted it out of curiosity but quickly grew frustrated with the controls and found himself trapped in a vicious cycle regarding the island's center barrier. About a week later, I decided to experiment with the game myself, and after spending a good bit of time trying to get a handle on the game's abstract control, I finally made some decent headway - although that goddamn barrier in the island's center still stumped the hell out of me. After some fumbling around, I apparently accomplished something of worth as the adjoining regions were finally unlocked and I was free to roam the entirety of the rectangular continent. However, I still found myself incredibly confused and embittered over the HUD (which the in-game tutorial did not help with, honestly), how to use magic, what the various staves and rings did, what the hell anyone was saying when I would seek advice, or why large, truncated Doberman heads kept eviscerating me with their endless death lasers every time I accidentally bumped into a tombstone because of the lurid OW control!! Seriously, what the hell, man!?

Anyways, for reasons unknown, I put the game down and soon forgot about it. Well, with Beat All Games, I decided to give it a go once again. Immediately, I began to recognize why I might have stopped playing this to begin with. Already my back was against the wall as I tried my damnedest to figure everything out all over again - and I still don't know what some of that stuff on the HUD represents. I really hope this game came with a novel-sized instruction manual, because there's a lot of explaining to be had, and seriously, without one, you're casting fate to the wind. And that's my biggest problem with this game: this feeling of blindly stumbling around in the dark. Every other RPG I've ever played, I can easily pick up and understand what's going on quickly and to a pretty fair degree of gaming necessity. Yea, there may be something here or there that I don't fully comprehend, but not like this. Two of my biggest gripes directly related to this include the overworld and those who offer advice. Due to it's incredibly simplistic nature, it is damn near impossible to keep your bearings on the overworld. Yea, eventually you come to recognize particular segments of road, and the sun appears to rise in the east and set in the west - at least I think it does, but come on, couldn't they have put the compass on the main screen? And as far as seeking advice - what the fuck are these people talking about? It's all just a bunch of austere and incongruous Confucianism bullshit - er, I mean Drakkhenism bullshit. It's great to have characters recite historical backdrop to enliven the plot and create some interesting depth, but here its just needless garbage that neither helps me on my quest nor piques my interest in further learning the political strife that has plagued the world of Drakkhen. Ok, there was that tidbit about morning dew that was helpful, but that's about it. And whatever the heck Whickhen was talking about in the Fire Area's Anak (or was it the Ice Area?) - come again? If there's any game where advice could actually be useful, it's this game - and they totally missed the ball.

Now, I suppose I should take everything with a grain of salt. After all, the game was originally designed for the Amiga and Atari ST, being ported to the SNES some two years later. And from what I understand, a number of revisions ensued, supposedly resulting in enhanced gameplay. Well, I'd hate to play the original if that's the case, but I digress. Whatever the case, despite being passed through various programming teams, it seems that the idea of having an RPG that plays nothing at all like an RPG was never an issue. It's almost as if Drakkhen is some sort of strange Leary-esque interpretation, the number one culprit being the battle system. And I thought Final Fantasy's turn-based system annoyed me when I was first introduced to it, or that Morrowind's battle system was a piece of crap. Wow, neither of those games can hold a finger to Drakkhen's innovative system, or lack thereof. All you do is nothing. That's right, nothing - literally nothing. You might as well just put the controller down and watch the excitement unfold - or better yet, do something else like write a pissy little rant about how much the battle system sucks. Heck, there were a couple battles where I probably could have left and made a sandwich. Ok, so you can use potions or magic or even move your selected character around the battlefield, but for the most part, there's no need to do any of that. Besides, once you reach level 5, outside of the Fire Area, it's pretty much impossible to lose a fight (if you have the proper tools to do the job).

As far as other RPG aspects, I'm still uncertain how experience works. I know I'm getting experience - I can see how much experience I have, but how the heck is it divided up. I can't even tell who's making blows during battle and who's not. There's so much sprite flickering happening, that I don't know what's going on. And speaking of sprites, what are up with some of these creatures - most notably that amorphous red humanoid that likes to dance around. What is that? With the already odd mix of a fragmented, vector-based polygon overworld and Super VGA-inspired dungeons, these Dadaist representations of otherworldly beasts should only be expected. And here I thought 7th Saga had some strange creatures.

Good grief! It seems this game has made me aware of how much easier it is to throw blows than offer praise, but I've got more. I suppose my final punch covers the length and overall difficulty of the game. When I first played this game, a couple years back, I genuinely believed I was making some serious inroads on the game. After visiting various castles and battling some seriously tough opponents, I figured I had to be near the end. Nope. I hadn't even started the Tear collecting. This time around, with the effort I had to put in to rescue Princess Hordkha before I could even start amassing the Tears, I figured each Tear would require approximately the same amount of work. Next thing I know, I have three Tears, and then six, and all at the drop of a hat. Admittedly, I had to swap out some stave usage to survive the necessary battles to acquire these Tears, but then I come to Hazhulkhen and kill him in mere seconds with shitty armor and weaponry. Talk about a letdown. But what's this, the game's not over? What the hell do I do now? Yea, you need to battle a bunch of overworld peons as you make your way to the Center of the Island and create the Ninth Tear. This game is the sheer definition of anticlimactic.

Ok, ok, I know I've got to represent its redeeming elements as well. Despite all its pitfalls, I did enjoy playing it. I have to say first and foremost that its highly unique nature does make the game an intriguing play. I admit that as strange and convoluted as it was at times, it was that feeling of wanting to know what lies around the next bend that kept me playing - how can it get any weirder than this? And somehow it continued to up the ante. Secondly, the game was blessed with an unbelievable soundtrack. I cannot stress enough how amazing the music is in this game, from the demonic Title to the serene Water Area (Day), or from the dour reflections of Haagghka's Castle to the completely out of place but incredibly catchy Earth Area (Day) - hmm, why am I thinking Out Run here? Seriously, go and check out the entire soundtrack, or better yet, see if you can find a download.

But yea, all the uniqueness in the world couldn't save this game. I really wanted to like this game, and I tried, but there was nothing to hold on to. I tried overlooking its petty "battle" system or its iniquitous and archaic scripture spat out by the denizens of the world. But the further I got in the game, the further my affections for the game strayed, eventually realizing that it was nothing more than a bothersome chore lacking any gratifying sense of accomplishment, like that of peeling potatoes, except this chore came with a badass soundtrack.

Nano-rant:

So, I have no problem with ridiculous fantasy names, but did they all have to be so similar looking? It's already bad enough not having a compass on the main screen. You know how hard it is to keep track of where Naakhtkha's castle is or Haagghka's or Naakhtkhen's? Who is Hazhulkha again? Am I supposed to kill Haggekhen? Goddamn!!

Rating: 2 Jackson Warriors out of 5

TG16 - The Legendary Axe

Haiku-Review:

so, Legendary?
are we better than Golden?
the "axe" wars begin

Additional Comments:

While drowning in a murky pool of unfinished Beat All Games video game playthroughs - mostly due to crazy game lengths, absurd collectable statuses, or just having to tackle subsequent difficulty levels, I decided to try my hand at something completely fresh - something I've never seen before. What better system to find such a game than the TurboGrafx-16, I thought. And so we have Legendary Axe. Upon first glance, as I made my way through Zone 1, it made me think of Castlevania or perhaps even Super Ghouls n' Ghosts, yet really, neither comparison truly holds any water. Let's just say it's your typical slay-some-demons-with-your-axe-and-save-the-scantily-clad-girl-at-the-end. Fair enough.

It's not that bad of a game, really, but it's definitely not great either. It's just one of those mediocre titles that you play, sort of enjoy at the time and quickly forget about thereafter since there's no positives or negatives that can leave a lasting impression. Other than it's quirky power system, it's hellish maze that is the Pits of Madness and the initial encounter with a quintet of Aqua Lungs, the game is pretty rudimentary. I will say though that the game is pretty solid in its design, in that (and this includes the aforementioned level and boss) the game doesn't stray into any scenarios modeled after cheap difficulty or needless aggravation, like pixel-perfect platforming with knockback, that often accompanies platformers of this style. And for that, despite my rather tepid reception, I actually enjoyed playing through the game.

Even my gripes regarding the Pits of Madness are fairly unnecessary, although a maze of 20 sublevels is a bit over the top. Honestly, outside of Room L, the Pits of Madness is pretty easy going as long as you take it slow. Which really, that seems to be the underlying theme of the game: patience. Seriously, if you rush this game, you're going to die, but if you take it slow, you can probably manage the whole game without taking a single hit. Now I'm sure that's true for any game, but I don't think it's as apparent as it is here. Everything has such a clearly defined pattern that the game basically becomes a test of memory with each individual sprite movement, sort of reminding me of 8 Eyes in that respect, but far less annoying. And while on the theme of patience, oh man, you have got to have some serious patience when you face the Aqua Lung boss. I think I squatted in the corner of the screen waiting for the perfect chance to strike longer than I spent trying to figure out the solution to the Pits of Madness.

Being a TurboGrafx game, it's always interesting to see something that isn't produced by the usual suspects. Although, I think because of my limited knowledge when it comes to NEC games, I'm blindly promoting them to pedestal status - especially after my run-in with Magical Chase, despite my opinions regarding Bonk's Adventure. Ah well, unfortunately this game didn't quite live up to the unrealistic standards I seem to be imposing on these game. But at the same time, it hasn't exactly tarnished NEC's reputation that I have somehow fabricated out of nothingness either. So...huzzah!

Before I close, I should mention the music. Surprisingly, despite the game's mediocrity, I rather enjoyed the music, especially Zone 1 and Zone 5A, aka the Pits of Madness. If anything, I think the music was the real highlight of the game.

Nano-Rant:

I have to renege on my previous statement regarding a no-hit scenario, because seriously, is it even possible to destroy the two Boulders without taking multiple hits? There is absolutely no way to dodge those things, at least none that I can find. What kind of boss is that anyways? I see rolling boulders, I expect them to act similarly to those found in Disney's Aladdin; not as a boss who's one attack is to fill the entire passageway and roll back and forth as if they're fitted with some sort of homing mechanism. Ugh.

Rating: 2.5 bear-shaped Demon Giants out of 5

NES - Jaws

Haiku-Review:

jellyfish, stingrays-
your bellies full of conch shells
the funds for Jaws' death?

Additional Comments:

Yet another old NES game I often played, or attempted to play, as a kid. I remember my cousins had this game, and every now and then we would pop this game in (it seemed when we became bored with Rad Racer or Excitebike, this was one of our go to games - not really sure why). Anyways, I remember never getting anywhere in this game. Every time Jaws would pop up, it'd lead to a fairly quick Game Over. Fast forward to today - I beat the game in probably 20 minutes. What the hell?

What's funny is that during the course of this blog, Sven and I have had several conversations about how our gaming skills must have just sucked when we were kids. Either that, or our practical thinking skills were nil to none when it came to problem solving gaming scenarios way back when. Whatever the case, I find it a bit embarrassing when I come across a game where I barely ever made any headway - seriously, as a kid I'd probably knock off about four life bars tops off of that blasted shark, and now, in one take, he's dead.

Ok, but it's not just that. This time through, everything just made so much sense - and I'm not just talking about the simple shoot and dodge maneuvers. I don't think I was ever aware that you could return to your home port to receive power upgrades, or that there was a sub which offered up extra hit protection. No wonder I struggled with this game so much. I feel the better part of a fool to have never realized these things, especially when the world map is as depressingly small as it is.

But what's even more ridiculous is that for what little ground I ever achieved in my original playthroughs, I was only ever one creature away from beating the game. I just can't get over how short this game is. It's a slap in the face honestly, but then again, we're talking about an LJN product, so I suppose it should only be expected. And the final boss, is this a joke? Unlimited time combined with the fact that Jaws can't even hurt you - how the hell is this even a boss? Oh, because you have to perform a pixel-perfect boat attack in order to kill him. Hey, LJN: that's not difficulty - that's bad game design!

There's nothing redeeming in this game - literally nothing. From the pointless back-and-forth on a very limited overworld to the droll shoot em' up sequences in the main action areas to the Air-Sea Battle style bomb-the-jellyfish bonus scenes to the facepalm boss battle, this game sucks balls. It's not the worst game I've ever played, but it's probably the most unnecessary game I've ever played.

Whatever, here's some music: the Ending Theme.

Nano-Rant:

Oh! So, you remember that scene in Jaws where Brody, Hooper and Quint dropped a plethora of bombs on a fluther of jellyfish from an airplane? Or that incredibly dramatic climax where they killed the shark by stabbing it with the bowsprit? Because I sure don't. Maybe they're in the DVD extras - who knows?

Rating: 1 jellyfish ballet out of 5

Flash - Super Press Space to Win Adventure RPG 2009

Haiku-Review:

who are these stick men
braving a perilous quest?
press spacebar to learn

Additional Comments:

Ok, I was just introduced to this "game" today, well yesterday actually, by Sven in a rather roundabout way. He sent me a video, this video in fact, showcasing a sarcastic mockery of a horrid grammatical nightmare of a review for a game which arguably isn't even a game to begin with. After watching the video and then some quick digging around, I found the game in reference: Super Press Space to Win Adventure RPG 2009. Holy crap, with a name like that, how can this game not be awesome!? Admittedly, the video was pretty funny, but my god, the game is on a whole other level, so much so that I think I'm going to have to whip up a little chatspeak and declare some ultimate pwnage here.

Honestly, this game is amazing, but let's see if I can explain why it's amazing, because let's not kid ourselves, this game is an utter piece of crap. Face value, it's all a bunch of MS Paint, pixelated stick figures running through the basest of animations, if you could even call them that, on a single, non-scrolling screen with 2600-styled backgrounds; paired up with a pointless story, worthless game control and a what-the-fuck mentality from start to finish. But let's not throw stones so fast. Sure, I just trash-talked the entirety of the game, but there's something telling about the total package at hand. What we're faced with is an adventure-based RPG game, including all the little trinkets that typically inhabit such a game, such as: hero experience, a shop system, a rest system, attribute upgrades, weapon upgrades, a magic system and so on. But the kicker is that the programmer has turned one of the most advanced gaming genres into the simplest, most idiot-proof gaming experiences possible. I don't think I can even begin to wrap my head around a game being any simpler than this. The title says it all: press space to win. That's all you have to do. Press space to fight, press space to defend, press space to jump, press space to rest, press space to drink a potion, press space to perform a combo breaker, press space to win. It's fucking genius!!!

All joking aside, this game is a direct throwback to TWERPS. Whether intended or not, who knows (and I'm going to assume the latter), but the entire two minutes it took me to get through this, I could think of nothing save the uncanny similarities between the two. They are both the extreme pinnacle of gaming minimalism done to absolute perfection. Now, I've only ever played TWERPS once, over ten years ago, and come to think of it, I'm not even sure if I played it or just sat around poking fun at how ridiculously inane it was. Regardless, it was locked into my subconscious as the most asinine gaming experience of my life, but then this nonsense comes along and nearly topples the regime. Sadly, it hasn't, but Super Press Space to Win has certainly made my day.

Nano-Win:
Are you serious? Even the music is win!

Rating: 4.5 spacebars out of 5

Arcade - Sunset Riders

Haiku-Review:

saloon girls, guns, gold
face stampedes, redskins and Rose
so...Contra goes west?

Additional Comments:

I came across this game a few months ago. Knowing nothing about it, I looked it up on the net and it sounded interesting - an old west shoot 'em up - so I figured I'd give it a chance. Upon seeing the Konami logo, and based on the few screenshots I had seen, I had some good feelings about this game. And surprisingly, just one level in, I wasn't let down. It immediately made me think of Contra, albeit not as strong out of the box, but still warming up to that very distinct Konami-style shoot 'em up platformer. The levels impressed me right from the start and only got better as the game continued, each containing a myriad of creative traps and gimmicks relative to the setting. Not only that, but the graphics are just stunning. After all, it's rare to find a game that actually pulls a western theme off with finesse, and I think this game did just that. Oh yea, and check out some classic arcade-style, orchestra-hit filled goodness that can really get some gun-totin', hootin' n' hollerin' excitement happening with the theme from Simon Greedwell's Stage.

However, I do have some gripes. First and foremost, I wish I could have played the game multiplayer. Just like Contra, I could tell that the fun factor would jump exponentially with two or more players tackling each stage. You just sort of feel a tad lonely having to plow all these gunslinging, roughhouse clones down on your own. But I guess that will have to wait for another day. And so it goes....

But unfortunately, I have some other mud to sling: the controls. Now maybe it's just my particular set up I'm using - a Logitech Rumblepad 2 G-UF13 controller (what, did you think I was actually tracking down full-size cabinet versions of these games? Ha! Although, I won't lie, I certainly wish I had access to an old coin-op of Sunset Riders), but the jump control just felt sluggish, which really began to hamper my progress during the later boss battles where easy bullet dodging proved embarrassingly difficult. The progression from ducking to jumping felt to crawl at a snails pace so much so that I had to find alternate evasion strategies, especially during the Paco Loco battle. But what's odd is that everything else control-wise was spot on. Movement and shooting had no issues, even without the auto-gun, which by the way was a very cool feature. Typically in arcade games, especially any sort of shooting game, button mashing just to fire a weapon is, for lack of a better phrase, fucking stupid, but here, it worked. The fact that you had to earn a gun or set of guns with auto-fire capability was very cool.

I do, however, have to complain about the lack of bullet spread. Overall, the rate-of-fire from the enemies seemed depressing compared to that of Contra's enemy force. Again, maybe it's on my end - perhaps I should have looked into some dip switch flips regarding difficulty, but other than the late level bosses and Chief Scalpem's stage, the game came across as too easy. Seriously, outside of the boss fights, I was lucky to see maybe 10 bullets in a given stage with the addition of some dynamite here and there. For the most part, my in-stage deaths were mostly attributed to foolishly walking off a cliff or falling victim to a trap that I didn't see until it was too late. Although, like I said, Chief Scalpem's stage proved its worth and then some, harassing me with an endless volley of flaming arrows.

Other than that, and honestly, as sluggish as the jumping felt at times, the game is tits - the stiff control is just me being nit-picky more than anything. Now granted, it's not as amazing as the Contra series, which is definitely the most comparable game, it's great nonetheless. Really, and this seems to befoul Konami every now and again, it's just a shame the game is so short because I wanted to keep playing when it looped back around after the staff-roll. I guess I'll have to try and track down either the Genesis or SNES port and see how they stack up - or should I say so I can get some more SSR playtime in?

Nano-Rant:

I just have to know, who the fuck are these people that can endure a 100 rounds, yet it only takes one bullet to kill me? Ah, video games, how I love thee....

Rating: 4 saloon girls out of 5

XB360 - Enslaved: Odyssey to the West

Haiku Review: 

Ancient Chinese tale
of robots and a hot chick,
Gollum as good guy

Additional Comments:

So I guess it's high time I posted a new review, seeing as how Sir Iain has beaten about ten games by now. It's been a slow gaming season for me, personally, since I've been working on the finishing touches of all the minor details of releasing my first book (shameless plug), Christmas happened, and then on top of all that, there have been few games that have interested me more than reading the Harry Potter series (yeah, seriously). But a friend and I have been talking about playing this game for a while, and since he had it but couldn't play it right away, he let me borrow it.

I love this game. Straight up, I love it. This game was kind of a sleeper release, since it came out roughly the same time that all the blockbuster games came out this year, and it even got a few mediocre reviews--which we'll get to in a minute. As the haiku said, this is a retelling of the Chinese tale, "Journey to the West" about a monkey with a staff and a cloud. You don't really need to know that when playing the game, but knowing it adds a couple of "Aha" moments to the narrative. Like, why the protagonist is named "monkey"--that's actually his name, apparently--or why you fight against "dogs" or team up with a friend named "Pig". Kind of silly sometimes, but it never took away from the immersion. But what I think is the coolest part of this story is that it's a retelling in a post-apocalyptic world. And even that has been done before, but what's even better than that is that it's post-post-apocalyptic. So nothing is bleak with lots of browns and grays. It's been decades or centuries since the apocalypse, and everything has grown over with green. So the environments are absolutely stunning. This is kind of a button-masher, but I don't really mind that. I need button mashers sometimes, as I grow tired of having to plan out every strike for every weakness for every enemy. That gets more tedious than B-B-B-B-B-X-B-B-B-B-A. If you've played and liked Uncharted 2, then you are going to like this game. There is a climb mechanic in the game, and though it wasn't always perfect, it was very fun and it is a lot better than playing Assassins Creed (you can't have Assassin's Creed without a$$ a$$). The voiceover work and acting is impeccable! It's probably some of the best I've seen in a game. The main character Monkey is played by Andy Serkis who does the voice of Gollum in LoTR. The other girl is someone from Nickelodeon or something, and I've never heard of her, but they both do a great job. The animation for this game, especially in the facial expressions, is really great. It's hard to make videogame characters emote, but the developers really shined here. There is hardly any--really,  no--music to this game, which is a shame, because the main menu screen has GREAT music that I really wish made more appearances.

So apparently many online game sites only gave this game a mediocre score, but I think that they were probably a little unfair. Rating a game is a completely subjective process, and it seems to me that many have compared this game to other blockbusters that were released at the same time this year, e.g., Castlevania Lords of Shadow, Borderlands GOTY, NBA 2K11, Medal of Honor, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Fallout New Vegas, Super Meat Boy, Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2, Rock Band 3, and, of course, Hello Kitty Party. With a list like that, a new game could really get lost. And overshadowed by how great some of these games are. Now, I've heard some complain that the game is too easy...but why you complain about that? I mean, you are playing a simulated reality in which you are doing impossible things that appear easy. Why complain about easiness? Besides, they have a Hard mode, for cryin' out loud! And there's an achievement for playing it on hard! And, ya know what, Hard mode is freakin' TOUGH! My biggest gripe was that hard was almost too hard. The jump in difficulty was huge. Also, the game is fairly short--not too short, so this isn't an official gripe, but I do like longer games. And for a game like this, if it were a touch longer, it would've been that much better. There are collectibles in this game, but they are pretty hard to get all of them. I wanted to try to find them all, because there's an achievement for that, but there are just way too many and they're all spread out over such a broad area with many of them in REALLY hard to find or hard to get to locations. Overall, I'm glad I played this game, because it was awesome.

Rating: 5 New York accent-speaking monkeys out of 5

Nano-win:

I dare you to play this game and tell me that Trip isn't the hottest girl in gaming.

SNES - An SMWC Production

Comments:

Ok, so I've been contemplating whether or not I should even make a post regarding this game. Should mods and hacks be privy to Beat All Games? My gut feeling says no, however, being an avid fan of romhacking to begin with and lingering around on the fringes of a few different mod/hack communities, most notably SMWC, for the past few years, well.... Besides, I never stated anything about only playing officially licensed/recognized games. I only stated that games must have a definitive end - which I have apparently broken that rule as it is already, so there you go. Still, it seems wrong to be posting a romhack, but then again, we're talking about a serious romhack here. At the same token, though I have played hundreds of romhacks over the past few years, this is the first one I've played since I started Beat All Games - the idea sort of forcing me to take a sabbatical from all of these "unofficial" games that are out there on the net. However, I've been awaiting this game for awhile, especially being a fan of the VIP series as well as ASMT - basically, the notion of SMW-built collab hacks - so I just had to take a break from my current roster of games and give this a go. Oh, and you may have noticed the peculiar absence of a Haiku-Review. Well, I decided since I'm allowing myself to invite this sort of stuff here; I'm going to represent it sans-haiku. :-P

Truthfully, I've already spilled most of my thoughts about this game over on SMWC's board, so it seems pointless to rattle through all of it again, so I'm just going to highlight a few points. Unlike ASMT or the VIP's, I really feel this hack lacked that certain something which just leaves you wanting more - that is until about halfway through the game. If it wasn't for my sheer want to continue pushing through and see what lies ahead (since I know the SMWC community is more than capable of producing some truly amazing material, well, the right people at least), I probably would have let this game go. Fortunately, my hopes were satisfied and the second half of the game easily delivered, definitely proving its worth.

Since the game is still Super Mario World in spirit, I always find myself to be a bit wishy-washy when it comes to an involved storyline. Ninety percent of the time, they don't work, easily grind the pace of the game to a halt and generally just fall flat on the ground. This is definitely the case here, the biggest issue being that the various characters seem to be completely out of character. Talk about rolling one's eyes - ugh. Overall, plot devices are left out or kept to the bare minimum in platformers for a reason and it is a rare find to find one that works.

Of course, there are so many other things I could nitpick about, but outside of the community, it's either pointless or going to resemble something like that of Greek. However, misgivings aside, it is a very well made hack and can easily make a name for itself, much like the VIP's, so kudos to that. For the casual gamer who's never experienced a romhack, it's worth a go, although it certainly wouldn't be my first recommendation by any measure. However, be warned, this hack is a world away in difficulty from the original Super Mario World, maybe more.

Nano-Rant:

I've already said so elsewhere, but let me just say again how much this game has come to make me hate Torpedo Teds - a whole hell of a lot!!

Rating: 3.5 Reggie-Shrug Bills out of 5