GEN - Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse

Haiku-Review:

City of Vera?
it that part of Disney lore?
not that I'm aware

Additional Comments:

Another classic Genesis title that received some heavy play when I was growing up. It seems that I just can't say enough about the 8-bit/16-bit Disney titles, especially the games that appeared on the Genesis. And just like the other Disney platformers of the day, this one followed suit with some clever level design, albeit compared to greats like Quackshot or Aladdin, Castle of Illusion does feel a tad clunky at times, but not enough to hamper gameplay by any means.

Now, as a kid, I'm fairly certain I made it as far as Mizrabel in Normal mode - at least I vaguely remember seeing that boss battle, although I don't recall the Dungeon Boss battle at all. But then, it's also been close to 15 years since I last put in a real solid effort regarding this game. I recall throwing it in my Genesis a couple years back out of nostalgic reasons yet other than the Toy Palace, I remembered next to nothing, which made me question whether or not I was even thinking of the same game. I can only imagine this to be nothing more than a mass confusion of hypothetical gaming elements from a vast collection of illusionary games that only exist within my own faded memory of platformers from the forgotten past. Needless to say, although there's the real possibility I may have beaten the game as a kid, I somehow doubt it.

Whatever the verdict, the game is now beaten on all three difficulties - well, I'm not sure Practice even counts as a difficulty here. Practice, unlike most games in which it would be dubbed Easy, is just that: practice - think Training Mode from Starfox. Although all of the traditional gameplay elements are present, including death, practice is a far more appropriate term than the typical "easy" or "novice." The levels are basically flat, boring swaths devoid of anything truly dangerous, with each stage (of which only three of the five are represented) consisting of only a single area. Because of this, and how long it had been since I put a genuine effort into the game, I half expected the same increase in gameplay between Normal and Hard mode (eg an increase from five stages to seven). But no - just extra sprites placed with deadly precision, less starting energy, and a total lack of harvestable ammunition - the coup de grâce of game mode mechanics.

Anyways, much like its Disney contemporaries, Castle of Illusion has some great music, such as the Enchanted Forest Substage, which incidentally is my favorite area in the game - I only wish they had expanded on that area a little more. Other notable tracks include the Title Theme and Dessert Factory. Graphically, the levels are fantastic, again having to point fingers at the Enchanted Forest Substage. And then, as far as level gimmicks, I have to make mention of the gravity switch in the Toy Palace. Of course, nothing new, so I suspect - not sure which game first showcased such a gimmick - it's cool nonetheless. I do have to point out my dismay over the Clock Tower area though. As awesome as that area is - second favorite area in the game - it feels unfinished at times. I'm disappointed that the horizontal rotating gears don't affect movement as well as confused and frustrated over some of the spinning gears in which the physical movement doesn't seem to match the animation. I don't know how many times I got thrown over the wrong side of the gear because it looked like it was spinning one way only to throw me the other. :(

Rating: 3 jumping A's out of 5

SNES - Donkey Kong Country

Haiku-Review:

a fruit-filled caper
spurs a monkey's adventure -
this game's bananas!

Additional Comments:

I vaguely recall my first encounter with this game as a store demo in what I think might have been a Sears. Upon first glance, I was completely stunned - the gameplay, the graphics, the animations - was this really a Super Nintendo game or have we all just been duped. Is this what 16-bit graphics were capable of? Then why has everything looked so, I don't know...flat up until this point. Not only that, the game itself was incredible. It felt like Rare had just introduced the world to a whole new level of gaming. At least that's how I felt back then.

Alas, that was my childhood - being sucked in by seemingly impressive graphics and clever gimmicks; not realizing that what I had before me was nothing more than a mediocre platformer. Blasphemy!!! Yea, I'm aware of the general accolades surrounding this game, but seriously, I'm sort of at a loss as to why. I've always held the game in high respects myself, and still do, but I think the game receives far more credit than it deserves. For one, I've never understood the appeal of the DKC graphical style. Way back when, yea, I'll admit I was impressed, but now when I look at them, they just look like horribly pixelated photographs, suffering from a serious case of compression artifacts. Hell, 8-bit NES graphics look better than this. True, there's still some great artwork in there - mostly within the levels, but the Overworlds should be nothing short of embarrassment, and they just seem to get worse as the game progresses.

As far as the levels themselves, outside an interesting gimmick or two, the levels begin to feel highly recycled. Now, I've attempted this game numerous times over the years; never really making it any further than the third or fourth world because, well, I'd continually become bored with the game. Nothing ever felt new, making it seem as though I had entered some sort of video game mobius. I also remember after a conversation with Sven about the DKC series a few years back, he sent me a TAS so that I could see what some of the later levels looked like without having to trudge my way back through the game again myself. After watching up through world four, I stopped the video. And I thought the levels were boring to play, the TAS made them seem unbearable. Not only that, it reassured my level recycling argument - especially with the aquatic levels.

Of course, some naysayers might claim that watching a TAS is boring to begin with. Well, maybe for you, but I actually enjoy watching TAS's. It's really interesting to see the "perfect" run through of a game. Donkey Kong Country, however, was equivalent to watching BassMasters. But really, I shouldn't let something like that skew my perception of the game. Ok, so this time around I tried to play the game with a non-biased mindset, either for or against, and just tried to enjoy the material presented. And honestly, apart from the aforementioned aquatic levels, I have to say, it's...not bad. But what's sad is that that's likely the best praise I can dish out for the game as a whole.

So is there anything good to say for this game that has supposedly stamped its authority all over the world of Super Nintendo? Well, yea, there is. First off, the music is simply incredible, as to be expected. I've already stated in my post for Banjo-Kazooie that Rare has this uncanny ability to compose masterful soundtracks, and once again they did just that. Hell, the first song in the game, Title Theme, is enough to hook you - a fantastic remix of the original Donkey Kong theme which planted the seed of the old-vs-new mentality that runs rampant throughout the game using Cranky's "words of wisdom." Beyond that, you've got greats like: Aquatic Ambiance, DK Island Swing, Life in the Mines or even The Credits Concerto (this song is pure fucking win by the way).

Secondly, despite the general feeling of déjà vu throughout the level progression, there are some really cool gimmicks thrown in there to spice things up, especially in the final world. Additionally, the ability to switch back and forth between DK and Diddy is pretty cool, but unfortunately their individual move-sets barely differ offering no real incentive to even bother switching between the two, therefore using the tag team effort as nothing more than extra hit protection. Yea, DK can perform a hand slap, but I can't recall using it even once throughout the entire game - ok, I used it once while testing out the controls at the very beginning of the game. And finally, DK's animal buddies add an extra joy, opening the doors to a little extra exploration within each level when applicable.

But alas, on the topic of exploration, I have to criticize the 101% completion status through achieved bonus rooms. For the longest time, and I suppose this is through my own stupidity, I always thought the KONG letters accounted for a majority of the game's completion percentage. The first time I ever beat the game I remember I achieved a measly 53% or thereabouts. And I remember I tried like hell to achieve as many KONG letters as I could in each level, except for the ones that were in the middle of pits, which at the time I had no idea you could perform a roll jump. Anyways, I eventually realized my folly and that it was in fact the bonus rooms that made up the greater percentage of the game completion status. Sonuvabitch!! Now I have no problem with cleverly hiding bonus room entrances, but this game really went to town with placing bonus barrels off-screens. Seriously, how the heck am I supposed to know there's a barrel down in that pit!? Oh, there's a nearly invisible 16-pixel wide strip of color down there indicating the top of a barrel. Fuck you!!! For the most part, chucking barrels at a cliff or blindly following a strangely arrayed set of bananas is one thing, in fact that's the type of stuff I expect, but expecting the player to randomly chance suicide in hopes that a barrel might be hiding out below is flat out stupid!! In my opinion, nearly half of the bonus entrances are built around bad level design. If I was playing the game with the sole intent of victory, I'd have no problem since most of the issues I have with the game can be easily overlooked - after all at its core, it still is a great game (though I say it begrudgingly). But some of the crap you have to chance just to find some of those rooms - it's not even exploration at that point; just blindly stumbling around in the dark. And why, to get that little star on your game menu and have Cranky congratulate your conquest? Pfft....it's not even worth it in my opinion.

Rating: 3.5 Squidges out of 5

N64 - Pokémon Snap

Haiku-Review:

these pocket monsters:
just simple camera fodder
to further research

Additional Comments:

For me, Pokémon games fall into a strange little category of naive embarrassment and stupidity that mysteriously exudes hours upon hours of fun, sort of like the Animal Crossing series, or dare I even say it, the Harvest Moon series. Basically, games reeking of the term "guilty pleasure" in which I have absolutely no desire to feign interest to others, yet because of their highly addictive gameplay, I just cannot put them down. Of course, Pokémon Snap is a bit of an anomaly among the Pokémon franchise, and really, among video games in general, but it still shares that same addictive quality that the far more popular RPG games possess. I only wish I could explain what it is that causes that, because seriously, the game is just plain idiotic. Essentially, you travel along a rail in differing environments taking snapshots of various Pokémon; all the while focusing on unique poses to boost your point tally. The pictures are then used to build your Pokédex, unlike the typical "capture" method used in the RPG series.

Ok, so let's see if I can sort out this madness and possibly explain what the "nicotine" of Pokémon Snap includes. For starters, I've got to point fingers at the Pokédex itself - the notion that you have to continually collect and build a database. That's enough to obsess over; besides look how popular the collection mechanic is in other games, especially other N64 games such as the Banjo-Kazooie series or Donkey Kong 64. But then again, although a fairly comparative principle is at work, it's not quite the same. There's got to be something else. And I think that something else is the Japanese allure - the attraction to anything that carries the adjectives of "cute" and "tiny." Now, I don't know if there's a general affinity among the younger generations towards "cute" and "tiny" things or if the Japanese are just reaping the fortunes of what appears to be a flood of "weeaboo" tendencies among the younger generations within the past couple of decades. Hell, if it makes money, why not? But seriously, who can't resist those adorable little creatures, be it a Charmander or Poliwag, or even a Vulpix, Porygon or Dratini. However, I'm shocked they didn't try to cram the entire list of First Generation Pokémon into the game. Although I can understand excluding certain varieties because of required evolutionary catalysts, it just seemed strange that some of the basics were left out, including Nidoran (both genders), Spearow, Caterpie or at the very least, Rattata.

Now, as I said, on the surface the game is pretty damn stupid, but once you start thinking about it, it is a pretty creative game. The idea of taking photographs, having them judged and awarded points based on your overall photography skills is interesting to say the least. Honestly, I can't say that I've ever seen a game like it before, but then again, maybe there's a reason why that's the case. It's boring. Other than Dark Cloud 2's innovative approach to creating new machinery through the usage of photography, it's not a game mechanic that's going to instill an overjoyed euphoria among gamers, especially if the entire game revolves around said mechanic.

Nevertheless, there is one thing about this game that just had me floored. This has got to be the only Nintendo 64 game that I can readily think of offhand that doesn't make the N64 controller feel like an awkward first-date kiss gone horribly awry. Sure, it can be argued that this is only because there's a minimal number of buttons used, but seriously, every other Nintendo 64 game I've ever played makes me want to hurl that piece of garbage against a brick wall, and in my eyes, that's something that weighs in heavily in the game's favor. Seriously, any game on this system that doesn't tie your fingers in a knot trying to to use the controller is a definitive win.

There's one other aspect, common among all Pokémon games, that grabs my attention as well - the music. Much like the games themselves, I always shrug off the music upon my initial encounter; typically regarding them as nothing more than sophomoric attempts at video game music. But eventually, just like the games, I realize how catchy and well done they really are. And just like the RPG's, Pokémon Snap is no exception, housing quite a few of these short but sweet tunes, such as the Cave Theme or Valley Theme.

Another thing that intrigues me relates to some of the technical aspects. Granted, I'm not tech-savvy by any means, so anything I say might as well be coming out of my ass. Anyways, from what I've experienced, it seems this game is more than prepared to vomit its fair share of errors all over the currently available N64 emulators due to some of the creative programming it utilized, albeit the most recent version of 1964 claims that it is playable - huh, wasn't the case for me, but then again, I faced a myriad of other hurdles with the emulator itself, so who knows? Anyways, from what I've read on a few different emulation forums, it seems that the game uses some innovative graphical tricks which are to blame for all of this unplayable tomfoolery. But whatever, that's just some technical mumbo-jumbo which affects neither gameplay nor my thoughts thereof. So...I guess I'm lucky I actually own the cartridge - though I'm not so sure I'd call that lucky. Hmm....

Nano-Rant:

I always find it funny when game-makers create a device that only has functionality during a game's working era. For those who don't know, Pokémon Snap had a feature where you could save your four best pictures to an album. Then, if you brought your cartridge to a Snap Station, which were printers installed in Blockbusters, you could print a set of stickers. Although I suppose it was cool little gimmick for kids at the time, seriously, what a fucking waste of money. Hot dog! I can print some stickers of shitty N64 graphics! Ugh....

Rating: 2.5 Pinsir Shadows out of 5

SMS - Alex Kidd in Miracle World

Haiku Review:

Radaxian Hero -
contest Janken's great players
and chop off their heads?

Additional Comments:

Before I talk about Miracle World, I suppose I should emphasize an initial guideline I personally hoped to abide by when I first started Beat All Games. Although I planned on picking games rather haphazardly - to a degree - I still planned on playing through individual series in sequential order. And, albeit, I've managed to do so for the most part, it can also be argued that I haven't. Obviously, with the Alex Kidd series I totally botched it since I started with the fourth title in the series. As far as other games - let's take the Mario series for example - this can be greatly argued, especially since I've already played SMRPG but have only played SMB as a predecessor - which I did after the fact - without even having played Mario Bros. or even Donkey Kong for that matter if you really want to get technical. Well, I'm looking at it from a series standpoint, not a franchise standpoint. SMB and SMRPG are not even remotely related when it comes down to the nitty-gritty - one's a side-scrolling platformer and one's an overhead RPG. To add, I've been itching to play Super Mario 64, but once again it can be questioned where it fits into the series. In my opinion, it doesn't, instead being the first game in a new series of Mario games: the first person platformers. But really, the main reason I haven't brought myself to play the game is because I really hate that game, but that's besides the point. Anyways, I've gotten way off topic and I probably should have made a separate post regarding my above thoughts. Oh well....

The point is, I went from a 16-bit Alex Kidd game to an 8-bit. Because of this, I developed a false sense of displeasure from this game, frustrated over the lack of abilities that I was originally presented with when I was first introduced to this series. Having played these two titles in the order that I have, Miracle World comes across as the unfortunate byproduct of shoving a game that was developed on a superior system into a crippling set of parameters of an inferior system - think Arcade to NES ports or NES to GameBoy ports, and  you get the picture. It's not to say they're bad, but it can be tough to enjoy such titles for what they are. Of course, this isn't the reality of Miracle World, so it sucks that that's how it came across. If I had played the games in their correct sequential order, I probably would have viewed Miracle World as a clever little platformer utilizing some very interesting features on which Enchanted Castle was later built, re-visualizing these elements into their eventual 16-bit glory. And I probably would have had a lot more respect for Enchanted Castle as well when I first played it. But so it goes.

But all of that is nothing more than an occluded illusion of a bad game. Honestly, Miracle World is not a bad game. It really is quite innovative for its time especially with the use of the Sukopako Motorcycle and Peticopter. It amazed me that nearly everything present in Enchanted Castle was present here. However, there is one important element that Miracle World did right that for some unknown reason Enchanted Castle chose to ignore: cutscene text explaining what was going on. Now, I can be rather wishy-washy when it comes to storyline in platformers, but there are times when it serves its purpose and times when it's completely unnecessary, but typically, a single window of text between stages or through the use of an NPC that is basic and straight to the point works and is all you need. Miracle World did not go overboard with text, so the game never felt bogged down (although the text windows themselves run awfully slow), yet there was just enough to explain what the game was on about. The Janken battle text however, let's just say that after the first battle, it was needless.

And on the topic of Janken - ugh! But you know what? Now that I've played this game, the whole paper-rock-scissors thing finally makes sense. Without having prior game knowledge, it felt cheap and tacked on in Enchanted Castle. I mean, it still feels senseless and arbitrary, but at least I understand how this came to replace the boss battles - with bosses like Paper Head, Stone Head, Scissors Head and Janken himself, what do you expect?

I do have two major complaints though: the controls and the physics. First off, I can't stand games that reverse the jump and attack buttons. Granted, the game came out in '86, so the idea of standardized controls is pretty much moot, it's still subject to my ire. I fell victim to death far too often because of the controls. But then again, the lousy control configuration wasn't the only thing that brought on easily avoidable deaths. The physics are just as much to blame. Oh my god, and I thought after going back and replaying Super Mario Bros. after all these years that that game had some pretty shitty physics. The jump in this game is just all over the place. It feels like once I commit to a jump, the best I can do is close my eyes and hope for the best. With the combination of an atrocious jump and a backass controller setup, I found myself replaying the first stage an unprecedented amount of times - watching that stupid monkey-boy's spirit float off into the sky far too often. Now, I'm not the greatest of gamers by far, but I'm not some piss-ant novice either, but I felt that the amount of time I had to put into the first stage alone was completely unwarranted.

And I'm not complaining about loose jumping, I'm complaining about uncontrollable jumping. It's hard to accurately judge just how far Alex will jump. Most platformers, it's fairly easy to ascertain how much distance a jump will grant you. But with Miracle World, I was still struggling with managing jump distances by the last stage. But, you know, maybe it's just me. Perhaps if I sunk more time into this game as opposed to trying to crank out a victory run, I'd learn to fully grasp Alex's moveset, but frankly, with what I've experienced - no thanks.

Physics and controller setup aside, it's still an interestingly creative little platformer. Not the best by today's standards, but for its time, definitely worth noting and ranks up there with the best of its day. And finally, what's Miracle World without the fantastic Underwater theme? That's some pure win right there....

Nano-Win ??:

From what I've read, I'm under the impression that Sega swapped the Jump and Attack buttons at some point later on, possibly when they installed the game into the Master System itself for Rev. 2? Not sure. Anyways, I'm glad they saw the folly of their ways as well (just sucks that I played it with the original configuration).

Rating: 3 Suisui Boats out of 5