NES - Where's Waldo?

Haiku-Review:

stocking cap, glasses -
never ending walkabout
so, where is he now?

Additional Comments:

Well, after playing a string of solid games, I was bound to suffer some sort of abomination of the gaming world. I have to say, I've played some atrocious games over the years, but this just takes the cake, so much so that I would have to imagine that the developers are outright embarrassed over this horrible, horrible mess. And who are those developers? You've got to be kidding me - Bethesda!? For shame....

The real issue with this game is that the developers/producers should have known better. Sure, the gameplay aspect doesn't need to be fancy - simply find Waldo, point, then click - and this game does that. The problem is the artwork. Let's think back to the books and what made them so fascinating. The pictures were huge, full color drawings that managed to cram so much eye candy into small, pocketed areas while retaining an incredibly high level of detail. There was no mistaking anything, despite the pages being littered with hundreds of people, objects, gags and what have you. Even Waldo, no matter how well hidden, was still easily discernible from his surroundings. But take that idea and transfer it into a video game that can only use so many unique tiles and a maximum of what, eight colors? Forget about it. So to make up for the limitations, there's basically five or six unique, "shapely" figures while the rest of the people are just sloppily drawn stick figures. And then they're all jumbled together so haphazardly around the landscape that the whole screen looks like the remnants of a microwavable dinner explosion.

Furthermore, and this is what really got me, Waldo is not the easiest thing to find. Ok, he is once you know what you're looking for - which I admit, sounds a little strange if you happen to be thinking to yourself, I know what Waldo looks like. Oh, but you don't. Taking a look at the books again, we pretty much know there are three telltale signs to spot Waldo (five if you include blue jeans and brown shoes): his goofy striped bobble cap, those round, nerdy glasses and a red and white striped shirt. Obviously, the shirt is the most effective clue to finding Waldo with its red and white stripes. Fair enough, let's hunt down that red and white striped shirt - I'd have to imagine (or hope) my constant reiteration and conspicuous use of italics has not gone unnoticed here. Why? Because I found Waldo wearing a green and brown striped shirt in one of the stages!! What the fuck!?

*calms down*

Alright, so I played through Practice, where you're given the luxury of no timer, and fumbled my way through its two stages (seriously, I do not count the Cave as a stage, but I'll talk more about that later), trying to memorize what our stupid adventurer looks like so I can easily spot him when time becomes a factor in the latter modes. Of course, due to the color and size limitations of each pixelated character, the glasses were noticeably absent, so I had to rely solely on Waldo's striped attire and unshapely head-covering. Moving on to Easy, I located the red and white striped globetrotter in timely fashion, although various other discouraging gameplay faults hampered any sense of fun. And then we come to Medium - Train Station down, where the hell is he in the Forest stage? I spent the remainder of my time, some ten times over before I realized that the developers decided to take some liberties with the game regarding the harder modes and decided to swap Waldo's colors out. Why!? Why the fuck did they do this!? To make the game harder - bullshit!! That's nothing more than a blatant dick move. Seriously, what's the chance that someone, who has long had it ingrained in their head that Waldo wears a RED and WHITE striped shirt no matter the situation, might think: You know what? I predict Waldo has finally transcended fashion and may likely wear some butt-ugly green and brown striped shirts (or green and white shirts or whatever other random color schemes showed up in some of the latter stages).

Out of curiosity, I tried to track down an original manual to the game. Surely, there must be some sort of forewarning that the game has decided to go against everything we've ever known about Waldo. So, I found a pdf of a scanned manual, and thankfully, on page 6, the following can be found:

"In the medium and hard skill levels, Waldo always wears his characteristic striped sweater, hat and pants, but may try to fool you by changing his colors, making it extremely difficult to catch him."

Um, props that the company was considerate enough to clue us in on this, but for those of us without a manual, I guess it's just tough shit.  What's wrong with just sticking to the other implementations of difficulty: less time, larger stage area and smaller scope? At least none of that contradicts the Waldo namesake as we know it. Honestly, if it wasn't for Waldo sporting a red and white shirt throughout Easy, I would swear that it's  nothing more than a cheap excuse to mask an inherent palette limitation. Either way, it's unjustified, and in my opinion, is a prime example of why this game is utter crap.

Moving on, let's talk about the timer. On a primordial level, I find the mechanic useless; used only to introduce a false sense of difficulty. However, I understand its function within a puzzle-based game - Pipe Dream for example - as it causes the player to remain on their toes. The thing I find odd about this game though is that the timer is constantly ticking from the moment you hit start. Normally, I don't think it'd be much of a problem, but the developers decided to include an non-interactive overworld that takes forever to play out its automated moves. You easily lose 10-20 seconds on the overworld alone between each stage. So that 10 minutes you're awarded to complete Easy, after all the overworld shenanigans are said and done, you really only have about 8 minutes to complete the game. Again, why? Who were these braindead morons left in charge to make such asinine decisions regarding this game's production?  The stupidity present in this game just astounds me.

So, we have an untrustworthy adventurer who likes to change his clothing on the fly, a superfluous overworld that refuses to freeze the timer like it should and wears out its welcome almost immediately, incredibly juvenile artwork - yea, I know it's the NES, but seriously, that's no excuse - what else? Let's see: a stage that's a slot machine. That's right, a slot machine. All you have to do is get three Waldo's in a row and you win the stage. *facepalm*

And the music? Well, let me just say that I'm not even going to bother looking for links. It's annoying...let's just leave it at that.

So is that it? Eh, not quite. It seems I've forgotten to embellish my grievances of the Cave.

Nano-Rant Mega-Rant (as if everything before this wasn't a rant already):

How to put this delicately: What the fuck kind of stage is this!?

You're presented with a pitch black room - a cave. Every now and then Waldo will quickly dart across a small fraction of the screen, his image seen for roughly a tenth of a second. The trick is to click on him and then walk him over to the exit. The only saving grace is that an incorrect click will not deplete your time like it will on the other stages. With that knowledge in hand, it's obvious that playing the stage in the ideal fashion is pointless. It's better to just randomly click all over the place until you finally gain control of Waldo. What a fucking intuitive stage. I feel sorry for anyone who actually paid money for this game back in the day. Oh, wait, I'm not done. I nearly forgot about the hourglass icon. So it plays like this: once you gain control of Waldo, two icons appear on screen. One icon is a blank, white square - this is the exit. The other is a white square with the picture of an hourglass. Instinctively, I figured this would give me more time - something that seems to be at a serious premium in this game. Nope, it immediately subtracted an entire minute from my time. What the hell kind of bullshit is that!? The one interactive object in the game hinders my gameplay experience? Again, this is an instance where the game manual would come in handy, after all, there it is on page 8:

"If you wish to gamble, take Waldo to the hourglass first. Press the A Button here and you'll either win approximately an extra minute of time, or lose one."

Normally, I have no qualms about not being privy to certain information because I don't have the manual, but this is yet another instance where I have to question the intuitiveness behind the game's included features. Manual or not, I should be able to conclude what the icon will do based purely on prior gaming experiences that also use an hourglass icon. And having played countless games where an hourglass symbolizes some sort of benefit in regards to time, be it additional time or temporarily freezing time, it's natural to think this mechanic would remain constant. Therefore, it's instinctual - if you see an hourglass, you grab it. Why change a mechanic of a well known and trusted symbol? Again, like Waldo's alternately colored shirts, it's nothing but a dick move.

But hold on. According to the manual, it can add or subtract time. Ok, I suppose I can live with that, except that my first hourglass experience, like I said, killed off a precious minute's worth of time. Well, the hell with that hourglass. Why would I ever touch it again? Without prior knowledge of an either/or situation, I wouldn't. I guess I just got the short end of the stick by getting the worse of two outcomes on my first try.

Admittedly, half of my complaints could be attributed to a lack of information regarding the game, but I'd say it falls in the lap of negligence, on behalf of the developer, regarding established principles regarding both the Waldo franchise and gaming practices in general. Basically, Bethesda took a brilliant late 80s/early 90s phenomenon and seriously just fucked it up.

Rating: 0.5 non-animated moon jumps out of 5 (or better yet, is 0 out of 5 allowed?)

SFC - Do-Re-Mi Fantasy: Milon no DokiDoki Daibouken

Haiku-Review:

the music ensues:
Baron's son saves Fantasia
from evil Amon

Additional Comments:

What's this? A sequel to Milon's Secret Castle? Hot dog!!

I can't express enough how floored I was when I first found out about this game several years back. Milon's Secret Castle, long one of my favorite games on the original NES, despite a thick web of slander from the general gaming populace, always entreated me to a bittersweet experience - it's great, but I always wanted more. But alas, the one-off title from Hudson was all we ever got. Sigh. Well, that's not entirely true. Little did we know that game companies were pumping out incredible titles localized only for the Japanese market. Sure, as kids, we had an inkling that was the case; which was confirmed with the release of Super Mario All-Stars where we were first introduced to an alternate Super Mario Bros. 2 known as "The Lost Levels" - wow, a version that was an actual direct sequel to the first SMB as opposed to the bizarre and rather uncharacteristic DokiDoki Panic graphic swap that we got. So we knew that some Japanese-only games existed, but we didn't really know just how many of them there were. On top of that, the games were pretty much impossible to come by - importation and beaucoup dollars being the only option. I'll always remember hearing tales of that "one kid" in school who would spend exuberant amounts of money to import a Famicon along with a few games. Unfortunately, it seemed like that "one kid" always imported Japanese localizations of games we already had access too, only because the Japanese localization typically came out a few months earlier. What a waste of money.

With the advent of emulation, practically every game, regardless of localization, is at your fingertips. And with a fairly prevalent emulation and ROM hacking community across the net, there seems to be some degree of translation available. Although, when I first gave the game a whirl a few years back, I didn't have my hands on an English translation, so I was more or less lost in the dark when it came to story and what exactly the items did. Being a platformer (where "jump" and "action" are the dominant controls), and the fact that some instructional animations are presented in a series of beautifully drawn cutscenes, the language barrier was pretty transparent as far as being able to enjoy the game for what it is. Not like Madou Monogatari - sheesh, I still don't know how to do anything in that game. Regardless, I managed to track down a worthwhile translation for my latest playthrough and I have to say that it was refreshing to actually understand the storyline and read the descriptions of each item. Although I understood the usable items on my first playthrough, I had no clue what any of the instruments did, and for me, that was the most welcomed text translation.

But enough talk of localization, emulation and translations - let's talk about the game. Do-Re-Mi Fantasy is easily one of my top three favorite platformers for the SNES/SFC. Although I probably initially went into this game with a biased mindset, thanks to Milon's Secret Castle, I was not disappointed. The gimmicks, though I wouldn't call anything innovative, were well executed and gave the game a very unique feel. Even the world themes, again, nothing innovative here; they just felt so contemporary. Oh, and something else I have to touch on regarding these Japanese games: the artwork is just gorgeous. It's not true for every Japanese-only game, but some of them - it makes it seem like a lot of the US games got stuck with the B-team artists.

Now, compared to Milon's Secret Castle, Do-Re-Mi Fantasy is so wildly different that, apart form the bubble shooter, if you didn't know it was a sequel, you would have never known. Whereas Milon's Secret Castle was more of a puzzle game (yea, I'm aware that most people think otherwise, but I also think that's why a lot of people mistakenly hate the game - they don't understand what kind of game they're playing. Naysayers can refer to my post about Milon's Secret Castle), Do-Re-Mi Fantasy is a rudimentary, point A-to-point B platformer. Outside of a few hidden bonus rooms, which included some cool little bonus games by the way, this game is completely devoid of any sort of puzzle mechanic. And that's not to say it's bad...or good, but a stark contrast to the original while retaining some of the defining features that made the first game so great, like an overarching theme steeped in music or Milon's trusty, yet oft criticized, bubble shooter. Additionally, the health bar has been swapped out for a much more engaging hit system that utilizes outfit upgrades.

For the most part, the levels are short and sweet. Each one focuses on a unique gimmick, often depicted on the overworld itself, giving each level a clearly defined individuality while encompassing the overall theme of the world. For instance, World 1 is a generic forest world, but there's a stage built around a log fume ride or a stage engulfed in strong winds. Sure, you can say that's true for any platformer, but there's something about this game where it never feels recycled for the sake of making additional stages like a Donkey Kong Country or even an early Super Mario Bros. game. I'm not going to lie, I love having countless stages, especially in the SMB series, but there comes a point where the stages grow stale or repetitive and eventually just start blending into each other - prime examples being the entirety of DKC or World 5 of SMB3 (which it shames me to say because of how much I love that game). Basically, this game plays more like a non-OW platformer - the type of platformers where all you get is a good, solid seven to eight levels of intense platforming genius and you're done. But somehow, Hudson took that concept and managed to spread it over some 40-50 levels and make it work.

Finally, I can't talk about this game without talking about the music. Not only is the music fantastic, but I love the use of atmospheric tracks as well, namely Church Bells Ring. Anyways, just to name a few (more musical) tracks, try out: Through the Woods, Dessert Paradise, or Staff Roll (wait a minute, is that an early precursor to Gentle People's Journey that I hear?). And speaking of Staff Rolls, is it just me, or do composers generally push their best work into the end credit themes?

Nano-Win (perhaps?):

So what's better than a sequel to Milon's Secret Castle? How about three additional sequels?

Ok, as far as I'm concerned, these sequels are nothing more than rumor. Supposedly, some (episodic?) sequels were released on the Nintendo Satellaview, but with nothing more than a few fragmented game lists and rather ambiguous bits of information scattered around the net, who knows what's really out there. I have "played" a game entitled BS Do-Re-Mi No. 2, but it was nothing more than adverts, articles and how-to-draw artwork - all in Japanese, mind you. Are there really three additional games? Maybe, maybe not. As long as the Satellaview is an unfortunate anomaly in the world of emulation, I say it's pretty much up to pure speculation at this point.

Rating: 5 children-eating snowmen out of 5

GEN - ToeJam & Earl

Haiku-Review:

sneak up on Santa
before he rockets away -
more presents for me!

Additional Comments:

Along with Sonic the Hedgehog, ToeJam & Earl is one of my earliest Genesis gaming memories. And where Sonic wowed me with its speed, ToeJam & Earl won me over with its innovative approach to two player co-op - not only allowing the two players to wander in separate directions via split screen, but also allowing the players to exist on differing levels if an unfortunate fall should occur, allowing continuous play without needlessly stalling the game or causing jumps through time and space to bring the two players back together - although, there is the Togetherness present. Despite the mechanic, which allowed for twice as much ground to be covered in the same amount of time, I remember whenever my friend and I played this game as kids that he was real adamant that we stuck together out of fear of death and eventual game over. For me, that always took the joy out of playing the game in two player mode. Instead of two intrepid alien explorers wandering across the floating mazes of Earth, it just felt like one unfortunate guinea pig to lure the evil Earthlings away from the other, more funky, present-grabbing money-grubber. It reminds me of "playing" Tails in Sonic the Hedgehog 2, because someone convinced you it is indeed a two player co-op game and that "don't worry, it'll be a lot of fun!" No, it's a one player game with someone along for the ride to act as the first player's early warning defense system. Lame.

Nevertheless, my belief is that this game is best played with two players. But that does not discredit the game's single player experience. Just as much fun can be had, especially with the game's ability to randomize level layouts, creating an infinite replayability factor. Sure, Fixed World presents a fun and challenging affair, and in my opinion is the preferred mode to legitimately "win" the game, but the real allure of the game is to be found in Random World. Of course, true randomization is pretty much impossible within the parameters of old generation games, but ToeJam & Earl manages the feat rather competently. Pulling the "safety net" out from under the player creates a whole new challenge with each playthrough. Other than understanding the fundamental proximity and attack patterns of each enemy sprite, there's really nothing to rely on as far as level memorization - i.e., ship locations, elevator locations etc. The ability to randomize each level furthers the exploration aspect of the game, especially when it comes to using the Icarus Wings, or to a lesser degree, the Rocket Skates or Super Hi-Tops.

Which brings me to my next point: presents. I've always loved the item usage in this game. In a way, the game reminds me of the Earthworm Jim series, although the Earthworm Jim games were developed some two years later. Like the Earthworm Jim games, ToeJam & Earl has that certain sense of madness and oddball humor throughout. If it's not the Earthlings themselves that radiate this bizarre aura - Earthlings like the Nerdherd, a roving stampede of geeks; or Chickens with Mortars, firing tomatoes with deadly accuracy - then it's the presents. A cornucopia of goofy gifts await ToeJam or Earl's needs. From the aforementioned Super Hi-Tops, to a jammin' Boombox; from a set of Rosebushes to the precarious Tomato Rain, presents offer up some of the strangest power-ups I've ever seen in a game. And although an annoyance, I enjoy the fact that both good and bad presents exist. Not everything is a benefit, as with the Tomato Rain or even worse, the Bummer - woe to those who unwrap a Bummer. Sure, it creates an unwarranted danger or even cheap death, although it can easily be avoided by just dropping the unwanted gifts, but it adds to the peculiar wackiness attributed to the game.

And if all that wasn't enough, throw in a soundtrack that sounds like a DJ Jazzy Jeff record or something Eric B. would piece together, tracks like Funkotronic Beat or Elevator Beats; add some bright, colorful backdrops during the level load screens, and this game easily takes top step as one of the zaniest games ever made. With the music and art direction, the game was spot on for the early 90s, but sadly, now it's nothing more than a quirky little period piece exploiting 90s hip-hop and embracing a clever exploration element that once seemed so rare in console games. Overall, it's a great game; one of my earliest and fondest memories of the Sega Genesis, and one of the coolest two player games I've ever played.

Nano-Rant:

Several of the Earthlings definitely have their annoyances: the Phantom Ice Cream Truck's speed, the Mole's pilfering hands or the Boogie Man's...well, the Boogie Man, but I've got to say, damn, I hate Tornadoes. It amazes me how every time, without fail, those things will dump me over the vast emptiness of space forcing me to drop down a level.

Rating: 4.5 Wahines out of 5

PC - VVVVVV

Haiku-Review:

such interference -
flip up, flip down, save the crew
from Yes Men and Lies

Additional Comments:

VVVVVV is simply put, fantastic. It's amazing to think that a game built around a solitary, yet simple mechanic can feel so refreshing the whole way through. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I had so much fun playing such a fundamentally basic game. Unlike most platformers, your controls are extremely limited to more or less three separate actions: moving left, moving right and flipping gravity. And that's it. But what amazes me is that on paper, and I've seen this as I've tried to explain the game to friends, it sounds a bit too simple, if not boring. However, it's far from it. It exudes layers upon layers of creativity around one simple function, and does so with gusto.

Unlike most modern games, VVVVVV embraces the retro scene; brilliantly skinned with a Commodore 64 flair and accompanied by an equally magnificent chiptune soundtrack that would make a SID chip proud. Tracks like Pushing Onwards or Positive Force just stamp their authority all over the VGM pantheon. Honestly, I could list every track in the game - not a single lull in the mix - but seriously, do yourself a favor and just buy the album. I think what makes this game stand out among the recent influx of "retro" games is that it not only looks or sounds the part, but can also play the part. I think where a lot of these new "retro" games fail is when they take advantage of today's technology regarding gameplay mechanics as opposed to remaining true to the strict limits imposed by ancient technology or rather the systems they're trying to emulate. I'm not saying that's bad, but it definitely amps up the cool factor to see a "retro" game adhere to the true meaning of retro. Of course, the fluidity of Captain Viridian's movements, along with other sprite animations, goes a bit above and beyond - a dead giveaway that we're in the 21st century when it comes to game presentation - but overall, it still maintains that certain something that mysteriously turns our present day computers into the clunky old dinosaurs of the past.

If I had to pinpoint a singular defining element that really makes this game shine, then it's got to be how well the developer is able to take an idea and run with it without it growing stale or enduring pointless repetitions. Sure, the flip element is repeated ad nauseum, but it doesn't come across as a chore since each screen presents you with an increasingly difficult or perplexing set of dangers that challenges your reflexes and/or wits. Add to that, additional gimmicks integrated throughout each stage, such as rebounding between "trampolines," auto-scrolling, or even level wrapping, and you have a fantastic challenge on your hands at every turn...er, flip.

Now, I've read that the game is well regarded for its difficulty, and although yes, when I first started out on my perilous quest to save my crew members and perhaps find a way to end the temporal distortion, I fumbled through a few areas, having to accept a large quantity of deaths - especially trying to collect the trinkets in Veni or Edge Games (although I will admit that I was trying to make Edge Games much harder than it was, attempting to abuse a boundary glitch before realizing what the actual solution was - boy, did I feel dumb). Also, the Gravitron still gives me grief - not to mention the Super Gravitron. But really, the game's not all that hard...well, as long as you're just playing Normal Mode or even Flip Mode (which I found even easier, but that's likely because I was use to the game by that point). The Time Trials and No Death Mode, however, is a whole other story.

Despite my claims to wanting to 100% everything, I've mentioned in the past that elements which are irrelevant to "beating" the game will likely go unbeaten. So is the case here. For VVVVVV, I decided that I will at least unlock everything as well as make a worthy attempt within each mode. Seriously, the Time Trials are just gut wrenching if you hope to achieve the V Rank. I managed S Rank in four of them, claiming A's in the other two - enough to unlock No Death Mode; enough to satisfy. Still, I suffered the Time Trials to at least try and achieve S Rank in all of them, and I'll likely continue to try and conquer the Time Trials altogether, but as far as Beat All Games is concerned, forget about it. I even gave No Death Mode the old college try and only made it through two stages at best. So yea, the game may not be tough, but the bonus material is downright relentless.  Oh, and did I mention the Super Gravitron? It seems I have.

But even the difficulty surrounding the bonus material can't stop me from calling this a perfect game. Honestly, I can't find a single fault. Anything that I might even consider berating, there's just no cause. As aggravating as No Death Mode is, it's not a question of annoyance, but of challenge, and I love that. I don't know how, but Terry Cavanagh has somehow found the perfect balance, or zen if you will, between fun and frustration. There hasn't been too many games where I've expressed such a level of elation that I've urged others to play them (Banjo-Kazooie is the only one that comes to mind at the moment), but this is definitely one of them. Hell, I'll even give you the link: VVVVVV.

Nano-Win:

I can't possibly go without mentioning how adorable the sound effect is when any of the characters are stricken with grief. And then to see them smile again when they get that feeling that all will be just fine. It gets me every time.

Rating: A solid 5 Murdering Twinmakers out of 5

NES - StarTropics

Haiku-Review:

yo-yo weaponry
to face denizens of space
in South Pacific

Additional Comments:

StarTropics has long been one of my favorite NES titles, despite it being nothing more than a mediocre Legend of Zelda clone. But there's something magical about this game that sets it apart from Legend of Zelda, or any other overhead action-adventure title from the 8-bit era. For me, it's the setting. True, the depth and scope may not be the same as say LoZ, but with such a unique setting - a lone archipelago in the South Pacific - it gives the game an unexpected breath of fresh air. Certainly, the game's spiral into space opera-esque science fiction could easily be compared to LoZ's high fantasy plot devices, but the fact that StarTropics' sci-fi nature just sort of creeps up on you slowly, and almost unpredictably, helps to differentiate the almost necessary evil of video game intrusion regarding wild imagination; which in turn helps to present the game as nothing more than a happy romp through the islands over the course of the first few chapters. To some, that may sound boring, but to me, I find it a daring and creative departure from the typical "fantasy" of most games. And by having that "fantasy" element introduced through a slowly evolving story, it caters a more plausible, natural progression, ideally softening the blow by the time we're dealing with it full force.

I am a bit up in the air regarding the overworld mechanic used in this game. Unlike typical overhead action-adventure games, the overworld is free of danger, which allows for an easier sense of exploration, however I've always felt they could have made exploration a bit more worthwhile. As it is, the exploration aspect is very linear, much like Zelda II, or incredibly useless offering nothing to further enhance the gaming experience. Sadly, the only optional material with any inherent worth is the gathering of hearts to further fill your life bar. But come the end of the game, it doesn't matter how many hearts you bothered to collect, because the second Cube raises your life bar to maximum hearts anyways. Additionally, a danger-free overworld sort of makes the whole concept rather arbitrary. It's only function is to allow for travel between chapters, meet NPC's (the vast majority of whom have nothing substantial to say) and seek out dungeon entrances. If the developers had at least worked to create more exploratory devices, it wouldn't matter. But as it stands, it's a lot of needless walking around - especially since most of the islands are designed in such a way that the paths are directly forcing you from point A to point B.

The dungeons, on the other hand, are fantastic. Basically, they come across as further developed LoZ dungeons - allowing for larger rooms through the use of scrolling and trickier obstacles thanks to Mike's ability to jump. Yet despite the obvious upgrades, the dungeons stay true to the overall design methods first introduced in LoZ: room by room progression with a number of rooms requiring the completion of a simple task or puzzle in order to move on, either by defeating all of that room's evil denizens or by finding a secret switch. And in latter dungeons, the exit might be hidden beyond a cleverly disguised false wall - ugh, I hated that concept in LoZ. At least they use a small telltale sign in this game. And finally, you have your lair bosses which are equally reminiscent of those found in LoZ - in fact, most of the enemies are, especially the Octot which could definitely be confused as Octorok's lost twin, sans the ability to fire projectiles.

Of course it could be argued that the dungeons aren't all that impressive considering LoZ came out in '87 and StarTropics in '90. Three years, and Nintendo's overall approach to dungeon architecture is relatively the same. But seriously, is that a bad thing? Personally, if it ain't broken, don't fix it - which seems to be exactly the mentality taken going into the game and I laud the developers for taking that approach if such was the case. However, I believe if you're going to stick to your guns regarding how a certain mechanic works, you shouln't necessarily take away from it, as is the case with item handling. Yes, there are a few variant weapons outside of the the yo-yo (which is eventually replaced with a laser gun known as the Super Nova), such as a bat, reflecting mirror, or blaster, but for the most part, I found them to be fairly unnecessary outside of a few situations in which they are required (fighting Dimhags for example).

Nevertheless, despite my grumbles, this is still one of my all-time favorite NES games. And yes, although it recycles old ideas, it manages to do so with such an intriguing twist that it ends up creating its very own distinctive atmosphere. Add to that some delightfully bouncy themes such as the Island Theme or the Cave Theme and you've got yourself a fun little adventure throughout the South Pacific. Needless to say, I enjoyed my latest playthrough just as much as I enjoyed my initial run some ten odd years ago.

PS: I can't possibly post this update without including the dreamy Treasure Room Theme.

Nano-Rant:

Ok, I do have one major complaint about this game: the controls inside the dungeon, or more precisely, the directional controls. I hate them - flat out hate them!! They are so goddamn stiff and lag-ridden. The hampered reaction time really creates some unnatural difficulty in a few choice spots in the latter dungeons. The jump and attack buttons however, are fine. I don't know what it is, but somehow, the d-pad falls disastrously short - even compared to the overworld's controls. How can the overworld's be so fluid, yet the dungeon's completely miss the mark? It's literally a night and day comparison between the two areas.

Additional Bonus Rant:

And seriously, how can game developers be so goddamn shortsighted to believe that a piece of paper, that you have to dip in water no less, expect to keep a proper life expectancy to continually coexist with the game pak ever and anon!? What the hell, man!?

Rating: 4.5 747's out of 5

SMS - Shinobi

Haiku Review:

secret ninja spells
used to trump the Ring of Five -
meh, I'll use a...gun?

Additional Comments:

Of the two major ninja franchises stamping their authority all over the 8-bit and 16-bit era consoles, I must confess that I've never really played Ninja Gaiden - not sure why, I guess the series just never grabbed me like it did everyone else. However, I am fairly familiar with the Shinobi series. Talking with fellow gamers growing up, I've noticed that the Shinobi games were always swept under the rug in favor of the more popular Ninja Gaiden series. Not sure if it was the limelight surrounding Ninja Gaiden throughout its early years while Shinobi lurked in the shadows; the fairly common NES vs. Sega mentality of the day; or if indeed it was just a better franchise, but it seemed like if it wasn't being snubbed by the general gaming public, than it was just suffering from absolute obscurity - except perhaps in the arcades.  Personally, I can't make a credible argument one way or the other. But with my own personal gaming experience, and honestly, a little Sega over NES bias, I've always felt compelled to play Shinobi before I'd ever give Ninja Gaiden the time of day. Maybe that's a bit harsh, maybe it's just pity, but hey - that's the reality of it.

To be honest, I like the Shinobi series. They're great games. But like I said, I've always been under the impression that gamers hold no respect for the series, and as such, I've always felt a bit embarrassed bringing the game up in topic, especially around those who I know love the "competition." Well, I guess it's about time to crawl out from under the rug and tout the series for what it is, so what better place to start than with the first in the series. Well I suppose the original arcade version would be a better place, but that's another story.

Now, I've read that the Master System port is the most accurate to the original arcade game out of the numerous ports out there. Figuring with ports on systems like the NES (wait a minute, how in the world did a game published by Sega manage to get ported to its direct competitor? Oh, Tengen was involved, I should have only guessed), the Amstrad CPC, the Sinclair ZX81 or the Atari ST, I find that plausible. Whatever the case, the game play is smooth and comfortably manageable, again proving that the Master System had some worthwhile weight to throw around after all. Now, despite my limited experience with Ninja Gaiden, I've always felt that the two games are fundamentally different. I've always found the action to be more akin to something like Bad Dudes or Double Dragon. Although I can't quite place my finger on it, the combined looks and feel are eerily reminiscent sans the egregious stiffness common to most beat 'em ups of the day. Maybe it's just my own lack of knowledge that's curtailing proper suggestive comparisons in this particular niche of games, but where Ninja Gaiden has always come across as a bit more platformish to me, the Shinobi games, at least the early ones, have always carried the epithet of missing link between action-based platformers and free-roam beat 'em ups like Bad Dudes.

There is a rather curious oddity in this game though - the appearance of a pistol as a usable weapon. While I see no problem with enemies procuring such weapons, I find it hard to believe that a ninja master would ever resort to such a weapon. Then again, ninjas used guns in You Only Live Twice, so I guess anything's possible. Nevertheless, I don't recall such a weapon in the latter titles - I'm fairly certain shurikens are the primary, if not only ranged weapon, and based on what I've read, such a weapon did not exist in the original arcade version. So why are they here? I've read that Sega added some weaponry for the SMS port, but a pistol? Come on!

And finally, I must speak about Ninjitsu, or Ninja Magic as it's called here. First off, I have to admit that this is the first time I've ever played the original title in the Shinobi series - up until now, I've only ever been familiar with the Genesis titles. Secondly, I hate playing games without the aid of an owners manual. That's not to say that I use them, generally I don't, but it's nice to have for convenience's sake - which has always made me wonder, why does it feel so demeaning to a gamer to admit using game manuals? It's like a man refusing to ask for directions - strange. Anyways, with the advent of GameFAQ's, which is a godsend to gaming by the way, game manuals hold little merit nowadays, but there are still times I wish I had one since with GameFAQs you're at the mercy of other gamers uploading personal interpretations of gaming manuals. Of course, there are sites out there that contain scans of original manuals, but I'm too lazy to bother with that. Seriously, if GameFAQs can't answer my question, then it's probably not worth knowing. And then came along Shinobi and its mysterious Ninja Magic feature that I know is there, but I don't have a clue how to use. That's right, I did this game without using Ninja Magic, and not as a personal self-imposed feat, but because I had no clue how to use it. I still don't. I began to think that it didn't even exist, but I've read stuff that states otherwise and even watched a small portion of an LP in which I'm pretty certain I spied some mysterious Ninja Magic shenanigans. I could be wrong though. I could be wrong.

Rating: 3 Black Turtles out of 5

Flash - The Last Survivor

Haiku-Review:

the last of my kind
and I must live as a block?
we'll see about that

Additional Comments:

So obviously there hasn't been anything new posted in some time. Let's just say I have a couple of games eating up more than their fair share of time right now...coughForza3andDDOcough...hence the lack of updates, on my end at least (ps, I've heard that Sven took down Torchlight - I just need to push a review out of him as I've been interested in reading it myself). Anyways, while browsing through DDO's wiki the other day, I suddenly felt the urge to look up some random browser games. Other than a few noted games that I have on my list that I've just been itchin' to play, I picked a couple random ones, and well, The Last Survivor popped up.

Overall, I find Browser/Flash games to be a bit of an oddity. For the most part, they're just mediocre stabs at showcasing a particular gaming element ad nauseum, but then sometimes you'll come across some that are just genius. Sadly, those "some" seem to be a bit rare. Another aggravating aspect of many of these games is their arcade and/or Atari-like construction, in that so many of them seem to be nothing more than randomized endless loops utilizing the archaic principle of the High Score. And finally, I hate, and will always hate, using a mouse and keyboard as any sort of controller, but I digress. Taking a step back from these games, you realize that a majority of these are made with seemingly a single goal in mind: to alleviate workplace boredom or to break the stale repetition of casual web surfing consisting of pointless RSS feeds and questionable weblogs about gaming - oh wait! Seriously, what better way to kill that nagging, empty feeling than by playing some mindless, simple games? And heck, you're likely to experience some genuine gaming elation from the more conceptualized works.

Whatever. Despite their shortcomings, like I said, there are still some really enjoyable, creative and/or outstanding Browser/Flash games out there. However, this is not one of them. Ok, that's a bit harsh. Honestly, The Last Survivor is a great little puzzle game. The problem is that by the time it hits its stride, it's over. Granted, and from what I understand, it was made as part of a contest in which the creator had 48 hours to slap a game together from scratch using whatever means necessary. Using that knowledge as a solitary platform, the game is great, but take that away, and it doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Now, at its core, the fundamental game mechanics from which the puzzles are derived are great - basic left/right movement, a simple jump and a telekinetic ability to move blocks around to help cross gaps, curb obstacles and climb incredible heights. And that's it - basic commands that can be exploited with limitless possibility. Unfortunately, the first 80% of the game is just needlessly drilling the tutorial concepts into your head with less than desired puzzles. Seriously, the puzzles were nothing more than "slide this block left" or "slide that block right." Sigh. But then, with the last few rooms, you finally begin to recognize the puzzling conundrums you hoped would be present from the get go. Still, they're difficulty is laughable, although I will admit that the second to last room stumped me for a bit. Nevertheless, that was the same room where I really began to see the incredible potential in this game, but instead I faced a subsequently easier puzzle only to be followed by an unexpected picture of our block...err, whiskered hero, rejoicing...err, relaxing in victory.

It's hard to give my honest opinion of this game because I can imagine so much potential and would love to see a fully developed version that really pushes the simple mechanics to the limit, thus creating some hardcore puzzles that require some serious use of your thinking caps. And if such a game came to fruition, I could definitely see myself enjoying it, because like I said, at its core it's a great game. Alas, that is not the case, so I'm left wondering what could have been if the game wasn't just a contest entrant. Oh well - so it goes with Browser/Flash representatives of the gaming world.

Rating: 2.5 Destroyer of Worlds out of 5