NES - Crystalis

Haiku-Review:

blend element swords;
it's the ultimate virus -
kill the cpu

Additional Comments:

Crystalis is one of those games that I long had a feeling would be unmatched in its gameplay and presentation. I can't exactly pinpoint why I always thought this, but I just had this eerie premonition floating in the back of my mind. Perhaps it was just the name, or perhaps it was in the stones, the wind, or any other device of auspicious divination. I'd blame it on that sweet box art, but honestly, I think this is the first time I've ever laid eyes on it (which is a bit sad, really). But I've always known about the game, and I've always had an itch to play it. Alas, personal ownership and hands-on experience would elude me for far too long. I just recently picked up a copy and was more than eager to pop the puppy in as soon as possible. The only thing holding me up was making sure I had completely run the course with Dark Alliance, and as soon as I could call that game, there was no question Crystalis would be next to face judgment on the chopping block of games beaten.

Right from the start, I knew I was in for something special. Between the combination of the intro story, though it left some lingering question marks over my head, and the opening scene of our hero miraculously smashing through solid rock after being locked in stasis for an undetermined amount of time, I was hooked. And while I always knew the game somehow dipped its big toe in the gambit of RPG-dom, I never quite knew how deep. But ah-ha! A solid action adventure game with RPG elements - I'm so in. Given my report with such titles as StarTropics or the top-down Legend of Zelda's, notably Link to the Past, how could I go wrong? The game immediately stirred up odd abstractions of Illusion of Gaia, or thereabouts, but obviously trapped within the limitations of the NES.

There were a few quirks that I had to grow accustomed to, namely the sword charging, despite its vaguely theoretical similarities to the M-Buster charge ability found in the latter Mega Man games. I quickly adapted to consistently building and holding a charge after every attack, however, unlike the Mega Man games, you had to be standing perfectly still to build a charge. Under casual game conditions, there's no cause for alarm - take a quick three second break and you're good. Boss battles occasionally threw in an unwanted monkey wrench however. Forcing the issue under fire was never exactly easy, but then we're also dealing with a boss battle so it should be expected to push some additional strategy into the mix. Unfortunately, most of the bosses fared on the easy side of the spectrum, especially DYNA, which was a colossal letdown. I was especially frustrated with DYNA's lackluster battle after the intense foray through the Finest Four. And hey, even Draygon put up a fair fight. But sheesh, I came out unscathed on my initial confrontation with the computerized menace. Perhaps Crystalis is just that powerful.

Nevertheless, it wasn't just the game's charge-whilst-loitering that set it apart from say the M-Buster or perhaps Link's ability to fling illusionary swords at full health. Crystalis' weapon system, while not revolutionary by any means, is definitely unique. First of all, there are four swords to be found during the course of play; each representative of a specific element: wind, fire, water, and thunder. Somehow thunder muscled its way into the picture; leaving the commonly regarded element of earth high and dry. Not going to complain though as the Sword of Thunder is one sweet demon cleaver. Add to that the additional acreage with each power tier and you've got gold. Oh! Did I mention the power tiers? So yea, each blade has three tiers of power as well; the third tier producing devastating effects within its element similar to some of Golden Axe's more impressive magic. It'll consume some much coveted magic points, but the trade-off is completely worth it in certain critical situations.

There is a subtle chink in the swords' elemental oeuvre however: palette-swapped enemies. Ok, let me explain. So not every enemy can be defeated by every sword. In fact, most of them are only susceptible to at most two while remaining wholly invincible to the others. I've got no issue with that. Honestly, I applaud it as it forces sword strategy as you explore the various dungeons. Rarely is there a single sword that can annihilate every creature within a given dungeon. While it may sound tedious on the surface, it really isn't. But, as you progress through the game, the presence of palette-swapped enemies - a common method used in games to expand the enemy roster while retaining minimal graphical space which was at an obvious premium in the old cartridge days of gaming - can cause some confusion...or maybe it was just me. Hmm, that sounds a lot more plausible: the breadth of my own ignorant assumptions. I suspected colors were not only representative of power but also of weakness. I can't even count the times that I'd see monsters of a certain palette and think to myself, "Ooh, gotta use the Sword of Fire in this dungeon. What do you mean it doesn't work!?" Even by the end of the game you'd think I'd realize that the various palettes don't mean jack squat. But again, it's nothing to complain about and doesn't exactly hinder the game.

Moving on, something I really wanted to hit up was the magic system. Well, not so much the magic system as it's nothing special - typical Refresh, Teleport, whatever. What jumped out at me though was the spell, Change. The moment I got Change and used it for the first time, I felt like I just got kicked in the gut. What awesomeness is this? Unfortunately, this is the same point where I started overlooking certain quest items such as the Kirisa Plant because I didn't use the spell to its full potential. It was one of those awkward devices that really enhanced the gameplay yet opened up the world far too much in an unexpected direction. Taking on the form of the Draygonian guard, Stom or even Akahana were all obvious, but somehow the girl just simply eluded me. Don't know why and I have to admit I felt downright stupid when I realized what her role was.

Overall, the game did not disappoint in the slightest. I expected a stellar game and it totally delivered. Sure, I berated a few things, but other than the battle against DYNA, it's all just nit-picky ballyhoo. And honestly, the battle of DYNA can slip past undeterred, hot on the heels of an epic gaming masterpiece - so scratch from the record books any and all slanderous downplay of this incredible game. From the gameplay to the graphics to the music - everything just came together so beautifully. And speaking of music, I can't possibly finish without pointing out a few gems such as Wild Fields, On the Mountain, Raging Sea, or Floating Tower.

Nano-Rant:

It took me so long to figure out how to jump with the Rabbit Boots. I roamed throughout Mt. Sabre endlessly before I realized you have to unequip a spell. Dammit!!

Rating: 5 robotic deities out of 5

PS2 - Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance

Haiku-Review:

Traitress of Swords? yes -
for your swordplay depresses;
a footnote speaks truth

Additional Comments:

I only just recently acquired this game, though I owned the sequel for a number of years now. In fact, the sequel was the first Dungeons & Dragons' franchised game I bought, though I must admit a bit reluctantly. I don't know, there was something about the idea of D&D being translated into a video game format that just didn't sit well with me. It gave off this stink of pomp and failing miserably, but I just had to give in and finally try something that bore TSR's logo - oh wait, Wizards of the Coast had already owned the name by this point. Hmm... well, fuck them! Still, it was D&D. I went into the game with a bad attitude, but at least tried to secure a sliver of hope that I didn't just throw $30 or $40 down the toilet (or however much it was at the time). Holy cow!! I was incredibly surprised. I didn't really know what to expect, and having long been a fan of the Gauntlet series, I was pleased to see an honest to goodness hack n' slash before my eyes. But despite my joy and long hours of play, I always felt like I was missing out on something. Whether it was the obvious amiss within the plot, or just the fact that I started with the sequel, I had always wanted to go back and play the original title. It only took me about ten years.

Like so many other titles that I haphazardly stumbled into mid-series, Dark Alliance gave me that sour tinge of regret that I didn't begin with the original. It's hard to take that step backwards, albeit only a baby step in this circumstance, but still. the Dark Alliance games could sort of be compared to the Mega Man series in that the sequel(s), while improving very minor game mechanics, accepted that the original formula worked and decided to adhere to it uncompromisingly. So for that, my guilt of precluding the first with the second wasn't near as bad as it was with say the Alex Kidd series, or how I suspect I'll feel should I finally ever get around to playing Paper Mario or Super Smash Bros.

First and foremost, what I really love about the Dark Alliance games is seeing the Monstrous Manual come to life before my eyes, especially here in the first game where we are met with a [spoiler] beholder [/spoiler] and lair of displacer beasts. Ok, the maneuverability of the displacer beast isn't exactly how I always envisioned it as per the description given in the Manual, but it's still great to see that creature in its new-found interactive goodness. And since we're on the topic of D&D compatibility, despite my having only the loosest knowledge of 3rd edition rules, I can fully appreciate and get a sense of the game's interpretation of said rules. Basically, it feels like while taking apparent liberties with the ruleset, it's still D&D at its core, and I applaud that. Of course games like Baldur's Gate for the PC or Dungeons & Dragons Online may hold an even firmer foot within the traditionalist rules of the game, but I think that the console Baldur's Gate games accomplished an equally favorable rendition. At least we're not dealing with the horrible, twisted abomination that Al-Qadim: The Genie's Curse puked out - 2nd edition rules my ass.

Aside from all the charming and wonderful D&D-ness of it all, the game just looks beautiful. The environments are stunning to behold. Maybe they don't hold a candle to the environments of something like Final Fantasy X, but there's still something enchanting about them. It could just be the idea that Toril's taking shape, morphing from a 2D drawing in a book to an interactive 3D dungeon crawl, even if it's limited to three unique locales. But beyond that, each stage is well designed, fitting, and never distracts. Certain stages could probably have gone back under the knife for further refinement, namely Adderspine Road East and The Rotting Bog. I don't know if it was the open, field-like design or the apparent stranglehold of enemy types, but both of these areas felt like end-of-project acquisitions quickly shoved in to help bolster overall game time. That's not to say they're bad, but in comparison to the rest of the game, I found them tedious, especially after four consecutive playthroughs.

As far as the AI, well it's a hack n' slash so admittedly I don't expect much. It does what it does, which is pretty much exactly what I expect. However there is one major gripe that I just cannot overlook. Everyone's inability to make precise turns with the exception of the umber hulk, the one creature you would suspect can't make a sharp radius turn, or that giant muck dwelling armadillo thing (I'm referring to the giant bulette of course) - I can take all that in stride. Or how about how every hurling enemy can predict your position with impressive accuracy no matter how erratic your movement - hey, I'm cool with that too, though a bit annoyed, but whatever. But come on! Are you fucking kidding me!? Eldrith is a pathetic joke! For the most part, the bosses are a bit of a pushover in this game, if you've got the patience, but Eldrith is comparable to a sewer rat. On my first playthrough, which was on Easy, I reached Eldrith with weary trepidation, mostly because the Halls of Remembrance spooked the hell out of me the first time I traversed them. There's just something about throwing a complete vacuum at a player without notice that can really trip them up. Anyway, I reach Eldrith and POW, killed by her incredibly deadly Inescapable Sword of Fury Over 9000. Talk about zero reaction time - sheesh. Changed my course of attack and...what? I killed Eldrith within 10 seconds. I can't even begin to explain how stunned I was. My jaw hung in awe throughout the end cutscene and staff roll, desperately hoping that there may actually be something else to it all. What's worse is that this scenario rang true on both Normal and Hard as well - 10-20 seconds into the final battle and Eldrith was kneeling on the ground pleading her case and asking forgiveness. What the hell, man? But then I faced off with Eldrith in Extreme mode. Holy shit! Snowblind does not have a grasp on difficulty scaling at all. It took me a good 20 to 30 deaths and upwards of 25 minutes to take her down; most of that time spent dancing around the proverbial maypole. Wander away from that maypole, even by just mere inches, and forget it. There's nothing stopping a 1000+ hp attack.

What's weird though is that Eldrith's battle was really the only time I felt like I could see a visible difference in difficulty. Ok, that's not entirely true. The Sunset Mountains, namely Wind's Walk, proved an ever increasing test every time I upped the difficulty level, but by the time I got to the Marsh of Chelimber and the Onyx Tower, it might as well have all been set on Easy. In fact, going through the Onyx Tower on Extreme was easier than when I went through it on Easy. Huh? On Extreme, I plowed through all five floors as if I was facing off with a bunch of sun-baked wicker men. And I can't even blame it on the store's charitable bounty since I only ever bought Recall potions

Yea, something that has annoyed me time and time again with newer generation RPG's and the like is the unreasonable blessings of charity. Handing out incredibly powerful weapons like Halloween candy can sap all the fun out of a game in an instant. Add stores that have the ability to sell weaponry that can outbid free weaponry in power right from the get go for prices that are easily attainable within a short period of time and neglect to properly scale enemy creatures as one levels and it becomes laughable. This is all a bit extreme to say the least, but it's still clearly visible here. Yes, the enemies are scaled in difficulty, but in my opinion, not enough. At least not enough to force me to buy upgraded weaponry. If my dinky little Keen Short Sword +3 can still easily take stuff out within three hits, what's the point? Like many games, I neglected to shop at the store for upgrades (a sort of self-imposed limiter that I set myself on my last attempt at Morrowind, hoping it would help pique my interest by at least slowing the rate of power accumulation - um, nope) to help instill a sense of difficulty that I felt was lacking. In the end, I'm still frantically racing around, as if I was on a cocaine high, with a hefty Flaming Burst Adamantine Long Sword of Wounding +5 laying waste to a mighty swathe of evildoers. Why is this, or others like it, so easy to obtain? Makes me wonder why any sort of monetary device is used. The above sword and over one million in gold amassed, I could probably conquer the better part of the Western Heartlands. Fuck the Harpers, I'm striking out on my own accord.

Despite any and all grievances - grievances such as a cliché D&D-esque plot (come on, it's D&D - if it's not cliché then there's a problem), here-we-go-round-the-mulberry-bush battle tactics, or the Harpers' Clearing House Sweepstakes Winner effect, it's still an absolute blast to play. And even with the problems, I still think it's fundamentally a good game at its core. Really, the biggest downer is Eldrith, and that one's tough to overlook. But everything else - pfft.... Forget about it. Even after four consecutive playthoughs, it held its own, and I was even tempted to perform a fifth just so I could give Drizzt a go, but alas, there was no real merit in doing so which brings me to...

Nano-Rant:

...games that decide to leave all the unlockables until the very end. Why? Why do games do this? This is a cheap, asinine way to extend a game's shelf life. If a game is inherently fun with obvious replay value, people are going to replay it - quite possibly endlessly. For me, SMB3 is a perfect example. I don't know how many times I've played that game through to the end, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's in the hundreds. Companies should not trick players into a game's possible replay value by offering unlockables at the very end of the game. Now I can understand having to complete the game to unlock Gauntlet mode and then having to complete Gauntlet Mode to unlock whatever that unlocks - Extreme mode if I remember correctly? But why can't I use Drizzt? Why dangle him in front of us like a carrot with Gauntlet mode if we can't acquire him until we've beaten Extreme? It's fucking retarded!! And given how Extreme mode works, I'm not going to jump right into it until I see which character might best suit the arduous journey ahead. By the time all is said and done, I've played the game four times. I've covered all my bases, and frankly the light's burnt out. And now Drizzt is nothing more than a waste of programming. Eh, wasn't that big of a loss anyway since you can't swap out his weaponry. Lame.

Nano-Nano-Rant (Er, Pico-Rant?), but it's not all fist shaking:

Damn you Slithery Swamp! Because of you I had Kip's Wedding Song stuck in my head for a month:

"...yes, I love technology,
but not as much as you, you see.
But I still love technology.
Always and forever."

Eh, the Elf Song Remix is pretty sweet, though.

Rating: 4 Pole-Dancin' Drow Queens out of 5

Le Sigh....

Is it time for another one of those ghastly "here's why I haven't posted" posts? Am I really going to drone on about why my game's beaten has diminished so? Eh...yes, because I can.

Actually, it's been some time since I've completed a game and I've really only one thing to blame: Forza Motorsport 4. I just can't seem to drag myself away from that game (and maybe one day I may even get a chance to talk about why I'm so addicted to it). But I can't put the entirety of the blame on FM4. I have been playing other games as well. Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance, of which I should have a post here very shortly, has taken up a lot of my time. But so has a few games that I've had high hopes for and have been wanting to play for some time only to have my hopes dashed in a maddened fury. Oh, if only I could push through some of these games so I can write some indubitably controversial tirades on these highly acclaimed titles, but goddamn do they suck. Besides, do I really want to acquire more evil eye from casual readers. Eh...again, yes.

Additionally, I've spent the last couple of weeks performing a bit of "spring cleaning" with my games and systems. All of my NES material was in dire need of cleaning, and before I jump into the next Legend of Zelda title, I know I need to flush out my N64. So all in all, yes, I've slowed down. And frankly, I don't care. It's not like I have an actual viewership here anyway.

Oh wait...I think we're still waiting on some stuff from our newcomer. What ever happened to that? I know for one, I'm extremely curious to read his thoughts on The Elder Scrolls III for sure - wink, wink, nudge, nudge...