Flash - Super Press Space to Win Adventure RPG 2009

Haiku-Review:

who are these stick men
braving a perilous quest?
press spacebar to learn

Additional Comments:

Ok, I was just introduced to this "game" today, well yesterday actually, by Sven in a rather roundabout way. He sent me a video, this video in fact, showcasing a sarcastic mockery of a horrid grammatical nightmare of a review for a game which arguably isn't even a game to begin with. After watching the video and then some quick digging around, I found the game in reference: Super Press Space to Win Adventure RPG 2009. Holy crap, with a name like that, how can this game not be awesome!? Admittedly, the video was pretty funny, but my god, the game is on a whole other level, so much so that I think I'm going to have to whip up a little chatspeak and declare some ultimate pwnage here.

Honestly, this game is amazing, but let's see if I can explain why it's amazing, because let's not kid ourselves, this game is an utter piece of crap. Face value, it's all a bunch of MS Paint, pixelated stick figures running through the basest of animations, if you could even call them that, on a single, non-scrolling screen with 2600-styled backgrounds; paired up with a pointless story, worthless game control and a what-the-fuck mentality from start to finish. But let's not throw stones so fast. Sure, I just trash-talked the entirety of the game, but there's something telling about the total package at hand. What we're faced with is an adventure-based RPG game, including all the little trinkets that typically inhabit such a game, such as: hero experience, a shop system, a rest system, attribute upgrades, weapon upgrades, a magic system and so on. But the kicker is that the programmer has turned one of the most advanced gaming genres into the simplest, most idiot-proof gaming experiences possible. I don't think I can even begin to wrap my head around a game being any simpler than this. The title says it all: press space to win. That's all you have to do. Press space to fight, press space to defend, press space to jump, press space to rest, press space to drink a potion, press space to perform a combo breaker, press space to win. It's fucking genius!!!

All joking aside, this game is a direct throwback to TWERPS. Whether intended or not, who knows (and I'm going to assume the latter), but the entire two minutes it took me to get through this, I could think of nothing save the uncanny similarities between the two. They are both the extreme pinnacle of gaming minimalism done to absolute perfection. Now, I've only ever played TWERPS once, over ten years ago, and come to think of it, I'm not even sure if I played it or just sat around poking fun at how ridiculously inane it was. Regardless, it was locked into my subconscious as the most asinine gaming experience of my life, but then this nonsense comes along and nearly topples the regime. Sadly, it hasn't, but Super Press Space to Win has certainly made my day.

Nano-Win:
Are you serious? Even the music is win!

Rating: 4.5 spacebars out of 5