where art thou Sonic?
for a phony I'm certain
treads this 8-bit land
Additional Comments:
I'll just come out with it then: this game is a grave disappointment! And what really tears me here is how hard it is for me to say that concerning any early Sonic platformer. After all, like I stated in the review for Sonic the Hedgehog, the Sonic series is my favorite platforming series, but this game makes me ashamed to admit so. Thankfully, the Master System games are little known. But seriously, this game feels cheap and outsourced. All the charm and imaginative use of 8-bit technology is just...absent. Whereas in the first SMS Sonic, where I delighted in venturing through the game, despite its quirky oddities and limitations; here, as soon as I hit Aqua Lake, I was really beginning to loathe the game and felt it had become nothing more than meaningless and toilsome drudgery. From the lazy design, to stiff control and almost total lack of speed, I wondered what the hell I was even playing - some sort of half-assed platformer with graphic swaps is my theory. You're not even battling Dr. Robotnik in this game (well, at least not until the very end), but instead the boss battles consist of bird eggs and a pig that looks like some sort of deformed Wolverine. What the fuck is going on here!?
Before I rant endlessly about this game, I suppose I should point out some, or what little highlights there are. There are some interesting gimmicks presented that are a step up from the first SMS title and seem to be imitating similar gimmicks found in Sonic the Hedgehog for the Genesis such as the spinning, sticky gears/discs. This game also introduces vehicles, however, they're either pointless or infuriating due to their shitty control. Although clever in concept, they should have been left out. I'd much rather have used Sonic's own speed and roll down the hills as opposed to using an uncontrollable mine cart, but that's just me. Of course, since Sonic doesn't even seem to have his trademark speed in this game, the mine cart's probably the better choice in this situation. Well, there you go, I can't even talk up the good points without laying into this game.
So what else - ah, the music. For the life of me, I don't even know what the music sounds like in this game. Ok, Underground Zone had some good music, but the rest of the game lacked the musical pizazz or "oomph" that so many early Sonic games contained. All around, this game was just depressing. Do yourself a favor and be sure to leave this game be. If you want to preserve the magic of what a Sonic platformer should be, or experience a Sonic game for the first time, steer clear of this undeserving presentation. It flat out sucks!
Nano-rant:
Fuck that pipe-maze bullshit in Scrambled Egg Zone! Also, fuck the countless occurrences of blind leaps of faith over spike-laden valleys (looking at you Green Hills Zone)!! This game has some of the worst level design I've ever seen - flat out, fuck this game!!!
Rating: 1.5 rings out of 5
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