phenomenal speeds
high above the world's surface-
all will end in death!
Additional Comments:
It's taken a long time to finally put the beat down on F-Zero, but at long last it is done. And by long time, I literally mean a long time as F-Zero was, if memory serves, one of the earliest games enlisted for Beat All Games. I quickly pushed through Beginner and Standard and then just hit a wall on Expert's Queen League - damn those White Land menaces. King League only made matters worse and then...Master mode. Holy freakin' cow!! This shit is for real!
Before I go any further, I graciously admit to tool reliance on Master. No shame here, as I'd fear to even shake the hands of those who have the otherworldly gaming skills required to defeat Master. Now, it's possible I backed myself in a corner by relying on the wrong machine. I'm sorry but for the entirety of F-Zero's lifespan - take note, I originally got the game when it came out all those years ago in the bygone age of 1991; thank you, xmas - I have loathed Samurai Goroh and his pig of an anti-gravity racer. I'm aware it's the best car of the four. I'm just as aware of that today as I was some twenty years ago. And frankly, I don't care. Am I suffering Master needlessly because of my stubbornness? Perhaps, but again, I don't give a damn.
Despite battling F-Zero for what seems an eternity, I sadly have very little to say. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily since I consider F-Zero one of the best SNES game there is, one of the best arcade racers ever, and a damn near perfect game period; even if the upper echelon difficulty would prove the death of me long before I ever manage it toolless. There's little, if anything, to complain about. Playing it again after so many years away from the game, and having filled that void with a mountain of other racing titles, I will admit that I'm disheartened there's no rear view mirror. Seriously, that's likely my biggest and only honest to god complaint that isn't tainted by my own voluntary ineptitude. But that's a product of gaming advancement and becoming spoiled by the norm more than anything. I recall as a kid never feeling frustration because I couldn't properly check my rears. The check warning was more than enough to let me know where my arch rival loomed. Funny how little things like that can change with time. Still, so many times I attempted to press down, or X, or something for a quick glance behind. Oops! Follow that up with a quick slap to the head, you foolhardy idiot. It may no longer be 1991-'92, but F-Zero says "Bah!" to your 2014.
Believe it or not, my fondest memories of F-Zero was playing the game not as a hardcore arcade racer but as a time-killing playground adventure. It became my go to game whenever boredom struck, much like Grand Theft Auto III in later years. Mindless romps, I call these. I'd spend hours racing in the wrong direction, allowing excessive headstarts - how long could I sit on the start line before I had to run balls out to ensure I made the cut each lap - or simply trolling the other racers, punting whoever I could into the wild blue yonder when and if the anti-gravity system allowed. This left little concern for fastest laps or best overall race times or the fact that I never unlocked Master mode. Heck, whether or not I even knew there was a Master mode is beyond memory. During my progression for Beat All Games, I learned about Master mode and fell to my knees and cried. Expert is enough. I'm sorry, but it's enough. The desire to torture gamers with such rash difficulty is one of several reasons why I disliked F-Zero GX. There a time and place for ungodly difficulty and I'm of the opinion that F-Zero's Master mode is nothing more than a ridiculous ass hat laughing in my face.
But there's so much Nintendo did right with this game - namely everything else. The tracks are cleverly designed and a joy to race. Okay, maybe Death Wind II and Fire Field leave much to be desired, but for the most part even the most horrendous corners on many of the other tracks can be accepted with open arms. And the music...(enter zombie-like drooling here). Yet another soundtrack that is golden from beginning to end. Tracks like Red Canyon, Port Town, Finish, and my personal favorite: Silence, the game's worth fighting through for the aural explosion alone. It's soundtracks like this that provide sound reasoning behind arguments concerning the pinnacle of video game music existing in the earlier generations. Of course, I could argue both for and against the common perception, but I just can't argue F-Zero's monumental listening experience.
Overall, the game is a pure gem demanding any self-titled gamer's attention. I've only my own bullheadedness to blame - most likely - for attempting Master sans Goroh and come out crying, but stubbornness will always, and sadly, prevail. For those interested, my car of choice has always been Pico and the Wild Goose. Yea, I know next to the Blue Falcon, it's probably the worst choice out there so my contempt for the game's unrivaled difficulty is essentially baseless, but like many others out there, sometimes you just find something that works for you and stick by it...for damn near eternity. In Super Mario Bros. 2, I will always and only ever use Mario. In Super Mario Kart, I will forever swear by Koopa Troopa's unmatched cornering physics, and in F-Zero, well...Pico is my pilot of choice. I remember enjoying Dr. Stuart's Golden Fox as well in my youth, but frankly, it's a risk - its fragility far outweighing anything it can bring to the table. The Blue Falcon? Meh... And I've already made my peace with the Fire Stingray. Maybe peace isn't the best way to put it, but I shall consider it as such and as far as I'm concerned, the debate's no longer in the cards. Besides, I'm off track. Point is, F-Zero is arcade racing at its finest.
Nano-Win:
Over the past decade, it's saddened me that manuals have more or less gone the way of the dodo. Quickly thumbing through my copy of the manual as I type this post up, I'm reminded of one of the many reasons why manuals were so great and such an interesting and integral part to the whole "game experience." F-Zero's manual has a short comic that presents a sort of build up - pre-race ceremonies if you will - to the climactic role that the actual gameplay delivers. Nowadays, we get a single sheet of paper in which were lucky if it even has anything remotely game related. Ah, nostalgia.... Why are you so fondly remembered? F-Zero has the answer in every conceivable manner.
Rating: 5 magnetic field block coats out of 5*
*Good grief. That's a mouthful for what's essentially an ice patch.
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