what the hell is that?
is it going to hurt me?
can I jump on it?
Additional Comments:
Having owned this as a kid, I remember playing it quite a bit - or attempting to play it at least. Good grief, this game is balls hard. It was way back when, and it still is today. Now, other than the title screen and opening cut scenes, I remember almost nothing of this game. I thought I did, but as it turns out, I don't. So what the hell game was I thinking of, I wonder - some other ludicrously hard platformer where you're jumping over indestructible alien lifeforms I guess. About ten minutes into playing the game, I began to wonder if I was even playing the right game. Well, I think I can attribute my lack of memory regarding this game to some of its key issues.
First off, ninety percent of this game is made up of stuff that my haiku rightly described. I understand we're talking about a four-toned title on the GameBoy, but come on. That is one of the biggest problems with this game. There were a couple points where I didn't know what to do because I didn't realize that that wall was not really a wall but just a part of the background design or that you could stand on door/window frames. And what about all the stuff that can hurt you?. Basically, if an object has animation, not just movement but a palette animation as well, you're going to lose health. And by god, the shit's all over the place. This game is more about precision jumping in far more circumstances than necessary.
My next issue is that the levels are too damn long. I'm all for long levels, but the designers have to do them up right - packing as much fun and entertainment out of them as they can every step of the way. Here, it's nothing but waves of infantile level design and rampant aggravation, especially since I'm constantly trying to figure out what sort of interaction an object should have on the fly. Also, this particular issue of length is what really wracks my brain regarding my personal memories of the game. All these years I always thought the spaceship held the entirety of the game with each room being its own level. There's three more fucking levels of this crap!!
I suppose I should be thankful there are no bosses in this game, as if you'd be able to hit them anyways. Yea, off all the enemies in the game, I think there's only about six different sprites that are actually killable. What a joke. Anyway, in lieu of end-level bosses, you have a timed section in which you must reach Ren, Stimpy or, in the case of the second level, a ladder. I say take the easy road - if you have full health, just let the shit hit you. Trust me, it's a lot less painful. Besides, you're health refills upon each new level.
I guess if there's any grace from this game, it's watching Ren slap Stimpy repeatedly during the end cut scene. What a stupid ending. But then, it somehow reeks of good ol' Ren & Stimpy, so I guess it's only appropriate.
Nano-Rant: (Haven't had one of these in a while):
I still can't get over the fact that I never even beat the first level as a kid. Fuck, this game is hard!!
PS, the music sucks.
Rating: 1.5 Powdered Toast slices out of 5
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